The current art journal I am playing in seems so far from what I used to do inside my former journals. It feels weird but good at the same time. They follow my journey, the complexity and simplicity of it, it’s paradoxicality.
I don’t know how come I am currently passing through a rough patch in my creativity, being in the lowest part of the wave. Wanting to paint, to do something, but once I get in my studio, knowing i actually have some time available for it, nothing comes…
I guess it has to do with the weird place I am right now in my life. Where I know the direction I wanna go toward to, but in the «Now» I have no clue how to actually get there. So there is frustration, and also sadness, and sometimes envy (i hate this one specifically). I try to work on that and wash them all away; some days are easier than others but I see real progress in how I do handle the negative thoughts that go through my mind now and then.
I just had kind of an epiphany about what is actually really happening with me. I am mourning. Grieving. FINALLY should I say, as I guess it should have happened before right now. But as we keep saying in France «mieux vaut tard que jamais» (meaning: «better late than never») ! I am saying goodbye to the Nolwenn I thought I would become, all the things and experiences I did not have and maybe will never have because of lots of things. However, I refuse to live in a place filled with regrets and filled with «What If-s». So I am trying to move on, to accept (I should count the number of times I speak of acceptance here ;)) what is and what is not, and just enjoy and do my best. Do my best.
I am currently taking Mindy Lacefield‘s art journaling class called «Neat Stuff» (that is actually over but available for you to take at your own pace), all about honoring our childhood and keeping it alive in our journal (or outside of it if we want). This class is jampacked !
In one of the last day, Mindy shared her way of painting a more realistic face, I was waiting for this to inspire me and to show me how it is possible to combine child-ish and realistic (you can see it in the class button on the left <——).
Mindy is simply an amazing woman, with such a bright and beautiful Soul…
While I am in the midst of finding myself again, I just grab my journal and see what happens. And this all thing reminds me how it feels good to do so. And that I should do it more often again.
Here is a journal spread I titled «My Messy Mind»:
«My Messy Mind». Print available in Inner Worlds
It just started with the desire to practice my faces, and to play with my not-so-new-now stencils from The Crafter’s Workshop (most of them on this page, if not all, designed by Julie Fei-Fan Balzer). I wanted muted colors and simplicity. The words came by themselves at the end. I really really like this page.
This blogpost took me WEEKS to write and publish, I apologize if it does not make a lot of sense. But I hope it may resonate with someone so I publish it now or it will stay in my drafts for ever and ever.
What a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I lover your journal page too. Your girl is beautiful!
Great post! I understand how you are feeling. I am pretty sure ALL artists experience these same highs and lows in our journeys. Be patient with yourself!
ohhhh I’m in such a grey space now too! “how to get there” is such a big obstacle! I’ve been downloading all sorts of books and things but all it seems to do is make obvious the huge gap between where I am and where I want to be!
People talk about doing what you can and building an audience but it’s soo hard to get from zero audience to a real sustainable number that pays the bills.
thank you for sharing. I am the same.
Thanks for sharing. I can so relate!