Vlog Every Day, day #9… when all I can do is surrendering

Day #9 of our Vlog Every Day in February project ! SO glad I am not giving up.

Today… I can’t wait for it to be over, well kind of… I went for a walk this morning and for once I did not come back with a cleared and positively set mind. Fortunately it is not the usual and I know I have some growth to do, and growing hurts. Fucking hurts. My heart is filled with fears and doubts. and what if-s. I know this will pass and that it is temporary. but it is painful. and counter-productive.

I woke up from a dream that feels quite important, this morning. See… I have been trying to get back to be hand in hand with my Guides for quite some time and try not to be angry about it. But I know that deep down, I am pissed. Because I feel like they have abandonned me. Like there is no help. But I guess this is to tell me that I have to do the work, that nothing is truly given and that we never should take things for granted. What I think they want me to know is that I need to keep being thankful for what currently is. For all that makes my life beautiful. It has to be a daily devotion. And then, I remember so clearly writing a letter to St Francis (why him ?!) telling I know he can make miracles, and this was my prayer to him, in the dream I take a great deal of care to use my best handwriting, and paying attention to how I was telling things. Then I put the paper in a box with dozens of prayers from other people who came from all over the world too, putting their hopes and dreams into words and surrendering them. Really weird dream…

I am not giving up. Surrendering is not saying you’re fed up. It is about trust and about faith.