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1. Literally feeling like I have a fire within, burning my bones and articulations. This is what fibromyalgia is like, most of the time; especially when in a flare-up. I use my arms a lot in my day job (and welcome back biceps!) so my shoulder blade and elbow are currently in flames… It’s not going away, even though my husband massages me with a specific oil every night. Maybe I need to accept that this will be my new normal?
2. I love riding my bike to work. It only takes me about 10 minutes to go from home to work and I will miss it once the weather becomes the yuck it is in the Fall (rain) and the winter (snow and ice). Bonus points to the fact that my butt is becoming quite nice looking and that it builds muscles in my legs.
3. I miss spending time with my husband. He leaves for work before 7 am in the morning, and I am home around 7 pm at night. I don’t have real weekends either so we actually are lucky if we have one full day out of seven together.
4. Art Journaling saves my sanity. So does my diary. Putting the feelings outside of my head is essential to my mental health. I know I should find a therapist but with my work schedule, I don’t even know when I could go… Maybe it will be easier once I have a small car, too. Maybe.
5. I am relieved that my anxiety level finally decided to go back to almost normal. It was out of control for 3 weeks and I thought that it would just be another “new normal”.
6. I’ve been eyeing “Fresh Paint” for a while, it’s an online class by Flora Bowley & Lynzee Lynx. I took an in-person workshop with Flora years ago, at Teesha Moore’s then Seattle Studio and it changed my perspective on my creative process. I’d love to learn from her again. But it’s like a big chunk of a week’s worth of my current salary 🙁
7. Makeup and Sacred Adornments are a big part of my identity. However, as I work in the food industry, the rule is no makeup, no piercings on the face, no jewelry… I feel like this is another version of myself and I don’t like it, at all… I don’t like how I look at my job. It’s not me.
8. Grief is a bitch and it’s not always about a person. I need to grief art as my career and it hurts like hell to accept my huge failure. I still believe that I could bring something to people’s lives with my art but I never “made it”. Therefore, my heart is shattered that I need to get a day job to pay our bills and debts instead of working from home as an artist. Right now, I would much rather work 12 hours a day as an artist, but it’s not happening. I am grateful for my current job position though, don’t get me wrong.

I won’t lie: this painting was both a blast to create and a bit of a challenge.
I told you about my love for Billie Eilish and her music countless times already but kinda kept it a secret that I actually Nixie-fied her 😉

Fighting the nervousness

I have to tell you that it was not meant to be realistic. You should know by now that this is not my thing. I appreciate artists who create realistic portraits though. I did use one or two reference photos, but not to copy them. It was more to get a more specific vibe from Billie Eilish…
I was (am) scared to share this full painting to the world, afraid of what people will think and say about it. But on the other hand, I also have this voice telling me “fuck it! do it anyway” so here we go 🙂
My daughters were REALLY excited about me doing a version of Billie Eilish as a Nixie, and I consulted them now and then to figure out which direction to take.

A few more pictures:

More fanart?

When I did my “365 Nixies in 365 days”, one of them was actually inspired by Willow Smith. And now I wonder: should I let these women inspire my art even more?
What do you think?

… but here I am, adding some plants to my abstract paintings.
I think I have a lot of resistance to painting flowers. I still don’t paint them, by the way. Some artists do it beautifully, like my friend Mindy Lacefield (who has a great class about it, called Rustic Blooms).

Books for references

In Québec, we are lucky to have the banQ, which is a gigantic free public library. You know now that I am an avid reader, but this is a hobby that can be expensive (think that a book is usually around 25$ and I read one to two a week…).
Here are the first two books I was able to grab at the library and I even added them to my Amazon wishlist so I know where to find them when I’ll be able to purchase them.
They give step by step instructions on a lot of flowers/plants/cacti. The second one even adds the symbolism behind each, which you know I am a sucker for 😉

“Botanical Line Drawing“

“How to draw modern florals“

What about you?

Is there something you swore to yourself you would NEVER paint or create, but finally caved in for some reason? I’d love to know (please, tell me I am not the only one! lol).

Oh guys… I have been dying to share with you the creative process behind Meissa.
Meissa is a Nixie created for Katie, aka StarNative. The only demand was to incorporate crystals. You’ll see that even though I love crystals and having them in my artwork: I struggle.
You know I love keeping it real and it’s important for me to share the process as it is: sometimes it flows like a river, and some other times I feel like I am going against its current.

I really took my time with her. I put her in a special space in my ArtCave so I could actually see her every time I was in there.
Some paintings need space.
I am really proud of how she turned out and she stayed with me for a few extra weeks so I could charge her with Reiki and with a shit ton of Love.

Intention

I always start a session by setting my intention for the artwork. I light a candle and retreat within. The use of specific oils is part of my ritual as well.
Nothing is done without a specific purpose.
There is always some music playing, that I pick accordingly to the intention.

Symbols

You might have noticed that some symbols make appearances throughout my artwork.
This is the case with the “three drops/tears”. I have never explained what they actually mean to me (and might never do) but they have an important place in my art.
I also used the clusters of small dashes, checkers (in the stencil for the second layer).
And on her neck, I painted the Zibu symbol for Creativity. You can see a project I made with them right here. I use them often but most of the time, they are hidden more than in plain sight.

My creative process picked me, not the other way around. I experiment a lot, play around with how to get to specific results until I enjoy it.

I do get stuck

Frustration is something I have a really hard time dealing with. Whatever the cause of said frustration is, by the way.
However, when it comes to frustration within my process, I noticed something important: it is when frustrated that I get to become even more creative. How to get out of the block? How to improve this skill? It forces me to go beyond and eventually it feels great.
I learned to walk away. Let it sit for a while (sometimes, it takes me WEEKS to find a solution). This is also why I work on several artworks at the same time (and because I do not enjoy watching paint dry).

A lesson in surrendering

Painting intuitively might be a different experience and process for everyone. It is not easy to explain but putting it into words helps me see clearer.
I let my intuition run the show, but there is an intention behind every brush stroke I make. I am not just flicking paint around randomly, hoping it will create a masterpiece (if only!?). Intention has a big place in my creativity. Every piece starts and ends with intention. I might pick colours and patterns following these Inner Voices, but I know my stuff to make it work, too.
I firmly believe that when I create, I reach a state of consciousness that I can only access then. I may sound crazy, but that’s okay. I listen to the painting, what it wants, which patterns/colours/energy. I rely on it to go layer by layer.
I don’t say it is a straightforward process, because trust me: it is not. But this is how I do it, right now. It will probably evolve, because everything is always in motion.