I am so happy about how this project turned out. I tend to buy things on a whim (working on that bad habit) and this is how I ended with this papier mâché box unused for years… Yes: years !
Enjoy the video:
Welcome to this new Gratitude Friday ! Feel free to share with me your (partial or full) gratitude moments in the comments; that way I can hold joy for you ✿ (you know that makes me happy to make you happy).
What about you ? What made you smile this week ? Share in the comments so you get it out to the world (promise, it feels amazing to do so ! :))
I started journaling again, to get it out as much as possible. When I had my first diary, I was about 7 years old and it was a birthday gift.
Diaries and I have a complex relationship. I resist using them as much as I love using them. Let me explain: I am intense. I feel things strongly and for a very long time, it was either black or white in my world. Now, I love all shades of grey in between. But I am overwhelmed by it all, most of the time. This is why I came to journaling it out, breathing exercises and creativity in every form.
Did you know how cooking can put you down into a meditative state ? I guess it is the repetition of the gestures. And the eventual glass of wine that goes with it 😉
See, I am an introvert and everything in me points to being awkward and weird when surrounded by people. Even though when I am at ease, I am the goofy talkative type, it is not easy.
I try not to dwell on it but most of the time, I feel fucking lonely. I usually love my me-time but I also have this deep in-my-bones need of having a circle of girlfriends. People who would know me and love me as I am. People to go out with or spend at-home time just being together. Folks who know they can count on me, as well.
But how do I let these persons find me ? How to maintain deep relationships without sounding needy ? If you know, please tell me…
I have seen so many times that if you don’t practice you can’t call yourself a “witch”. To those people, I want to say “go fudge yourself” (but I was raised better so I just think it).
For so long, I let my spiritual life on the back burner. I had other priorities, life happened and even though it was still on the back of my mind, I did not do any rituals nor my usual reading to deepen my knowledge.
Becoming a Mom, I wanted my daughters to be raised in an understanding and open home. We won’t force our beliefs on them and we answer all the questions they can have. And when we don’t know ? We simply research and come back to it with them: it is okay not to know.
I am back to daily practice but decided not to put any pressure on myself. To do things my way and at my own pace.
I am back in my ArtCave and it is becoming a regular thing again. For some unknown reasons, I am waking up earlier than my usual. Even though I should be pissed to be awake at 6am on the weekend, I am excited.
The picture right here is the perfect example of how creativity is saving me. I did this painting on a very tough day emotionally. A day I remember I just wanted to give up, throw the towel and let go. Instead, I literally ran to my Studio, picked the colors of my feelings and went to town.
The results is, to me, the pure essence of my emotions of the moment. Despair, sorrow, mental exhaustion… It is better out than in.
Today, I realized how much I do not live in the present. I am waaaay better at it than I used to, and in hindsight it almost was like I compulsively was either in the past or in the future but never in the present !
Recently talking with my best friend a few days ago and told her we both were the Melancolic Spleen kind of women and this was partly why we felt like we did not belong with others. I tend to relive the past, over and over, and wonder “what if…” all the time. There is no point doing that and it leaves me sad more than anything else.
It does not mean to forget what happens. To let go is to accept what used to be, and then move forward. I think a lot, introspect all the damn time, wonder, ponder, create various scenari about how something could have gone but did not.
I wish I could ask all the questions and get answers. But what would it change, would it bring closure ? Maybe not. Torture ? Sure.
As I told you recently, I used to be a very prepared artist. Sketching, planning, overthinking. But then, a shift happened. Art journaling was my way to take any anger, any doubt and all these “what if-s” out of my system. Out of my head.
Creativity taught me not to get attached to the outcome. To love the process more than the end result. By doing that, it’s okay to let layers go. To move forward by knowing everything will turn out as it’s meant to.
Have you noticed how everything is intertwined ? How life and creativity mirror each other ?
… but be healthy instead.
It is not a secret that a few months ago, I took the plunge and decided to become a BeachBody coach. Why ? Because I believe firmly in their programs, and in the nutrition aspect added to them as well.
Today marks the 80th day of the program I have been doing: it is the final day of it. Yes, I am feeling emotional about it. I am known to give up after a while. Before the end. I find plenty of excuses (“my body aches” “I am exhausted” “I can’t do it” “this is not for me” and so on). So finishing a program is a big deal to me. I have lost about 13 pounds and more than 15 inches all over my body and these inches off are what makes me proud.
You can say whatever you want, I know now for a fact that you can eat as healthy as possible but don’t get your maximum results if you don’t move.
Having a group to belong to in which you share your goals, your achievements and your struggles is a huge part of my success. I have an amazing coach, Carmen, and she needs all the love and praise because I am here now thanks to her.
In my mind, when I hear “get your Summer body now” or “Start getting your body beach ready” it makes me cringe. Being healthy AND fit is a journey. Sure, I want to be comfortable wearing a bathing suite, but at any time of the year. I refuse to diet anymore. It worked for specific amounts of time but did more damage in the long run.
For me, there are goals to reach but no destination. In the past, I have done about 3 rounds of Whole30 and it helped on the moment. But not on the long term because it is not a continuous way of eating. I tried being paleo but the amount of animal products consumed did not provide what I need. However, I took with me all the ideas to avoid gluten, as I noticed it inflamed my body (I live with Fibromyalgia and IBS, amongst other stuff). I want to eat in a sustainable way, to find what works for me. I decided to stop finding a box to fit in. Just do me because my body is working as it is and does not need a box.
We won’t say it, but we all watch each other. Not necessarily with intention, and not in a creepy way. But we do. I am the mom of two daughters, currently age 11 and almost 13. It’s the age when they start to see changes in their bodies and to compare it with other girls. I don’t know why we do this to ourselves.
What makes me continue is the unexpected “I am proud of you Mama” or “Can I workout with you today ?” from them. Because I want them to know that food is fuel and fun, that cooking is not that complicated if you stick to it even when you mess up a meal. I want my daughters to be comfortable in their own skin, no matter what. It’s okay to want to change, too.
When you avoid seeing your beautiful self in the mirror, it is a sign change needs to happen. You deserve to cherish the reflection of you in that mirror.