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Happy Monday !

My plans for today had to be cancelled last minute but I have to listen to my body and to just accept that sometimes, I can not be in control of everything… I simply can not. So instead of being bummed and frustrated, decided to take the day as a Soul Care day. YES ! Watched a bunch of art videos, getting my creative well filled up again.

Sketching, trying new ways of drawing my Nixies.

A weight from the very heavy mood last week seems to have been lifted. I don’t have clear answers but at least I have hope. And sometimes, this and faith are all you truly need. One day after the other.

DISCLAIMER: this is a longer vlog so take a drink, sit tight and hopefully you’ll enjoy me walking you through my Teal Studio (home studio). Another disclaimer… I absolutely did NOT clean or tidy before recording mwahahah.

A few facts ;):

• My Studio is located at street level (we don’t have a basement but it is still a 3-level townhome, lots of stairs), I unfortunately use the guest bathroom (and even if I clean the sink etc, it is not Mr Clean clean…) but I’m thankful to have one nearby.
• It is my first Studio, I used to just have our dining table as an art table and it was a pain. But there again, better than nothing at all.
• The unfinished look of the painted walls is on purpose, and I even have my handprints on the small part near the door that goes outside. A reminder to myself that everything is a work in progress.
• I have way too much stuff. I am an artsupplyhoarder in recovery and I use to subscribe to several different monthly kits… and it came way faster than I could use it for. I feel trapped and need to get rid of most of it (I still love art supply but know what I use and what I won’t).
• I love having Studio buddies. The space is not huge but can hold two or three persons no problemo.
• I do my best to clean after me on my table before leaving the space for the day because if it is filled with too much stuff I know I will walk away (all about the excuses, right ?). And it feels better to arrive in a somewhat welcoming space, anyway !

Do you have a personal space in your home that you have dedicated to your creativity ? I’d love to know (and why not, see !).

I recorded late last night and knew I would not be quick editing it to post it right away (and I am okay with it).

Yes I already was in my pjs 😉

This is a short one but I wanted you to know you are loved and that your relationship status does not determine your worth. No, I assure you: it does not.

Day #9 of our Vlog Every Day in February project ! SO glad I am not giving up.

Today… I can’t wait for it to be over, well kind of… I went for a walk this morning and for once I did not come back with a cleared and positively set mind. Fortunately it is not the usual and I know I have some growth to do, and growing hurts. Fucking hurts. My heart is filled with fears and doubts. and what if-s. I know this will pass and that it is temporary. but it is painful. and counter-productive.

I woke up from a dream that feels quite important, this morning. See… I have been trying to get back to be hand in hand with my Guides for quite some time and try not to be angry about it. But I know that deep down, I am pissed. Because I feel like they have abandonned me. Like there is no help. But I guess this is to tell me that I have to do the work, that nothing is truly given and that we never should take things for granted. What I think they want me to know is that I need to keep being thankful for what currently is. For all that makes my life beautiful. It has to be a daily devotion. And then, I remember so clearly writing a letter to St Francis (why him ?!) telling I know he can make miracles, and this was my prayer to him, in the dream I take a great deal of care to use my best handwriting, and paying attention to how I was telling things. Then I put the paper in a box with dozens of prayers from other people who came from all over the world too, putting their hopes and dreams into words and surrendering them. Really weird dream…

I am not giving up. Surrendering is not saying you’re fed up. It is about trust and about faith.

Oh my… I hope I will actually get more productive in the next two days, work related, because I have not done much this week and guilt is starting to kick in and when this happens… well, it sucks !

Instead of stepping into the Studio or listing new art, I decided to spend time in the kitchen and cook a bit. Because I can, right ? so why not.

This morning, after my 45 minute walk (yes !!!), I looked at builders here in Langley or nearby and thought it was time to put black on what my vision for our dream home, so I wrote it down. Then I added a few pics and even created a Pinterest board for it, to which I invited my husband so he can add stuff as well. It is something we need to do together.

I am afraid to really put thoughts into the why I am not painting, why am I not spending time on my next class offering, why am I not taking pics of the new and old art that is looking for new homes… yes, today I am an ostrich.