We are back to school. Three out of the four of us have actually started school back at the end of August. This is disorienting, a little scary and a lot confusing. Communication in our school system is not always the best. We knew last minute that our eldest, now in grade 10, was going back to school in person (note that as I write this, she is now in hybrid mode for the month of October, meaning she has a specific calendar this month to know when she goes to school and when classes are remote). Her sister’s school has almost no changes except they have to wear their mask 100% of the time and some lunches are in class, others they can move around (cafeteria or outside). I attend a local Cégep (=college) and only have 1.5hrs/week on site, sometimes another 3 hours are added for another class. Everything else is online.
And if there is something that throws me off, it’s incertitude. Big time..!
What’s in my brain?
- I hate moving. Because it forces me to stay in the present moment and it is not something I am used to. But especially because it confronts me with the reality that we own way too many physical items. With the pandemic, garage sales are forbidden by our city but it’s mentally difficult to be realistic: dump everything; it would be way better to sell some of it because they could still be useful to somebody. What to do?
- I should be a fucking hairstylist… been colouring my daughters’ hair and it’s always a nerve-racking process for me (I know this is just hair but still).
- I can be a fucking amazing friend and a fucking great teammate. But talking to people brings a lot of anxiety.
- Some classes I have already bring a lot of excitement. I am talking about photography, cinema, P.E. (which was an option I had between lots of different sorts of training and I picked the right one for me).
- I am learning to let go of the fears I hold around my 13 yo daughter not doing her schoolwork, not knowing at least a little about what she wants to do with her life later on. It is not my job to push her again and again but to listen and guide.
- Therapy kicks my ass.
- Code-switching is a real thing! I noticed how I switch to speaking teenagers-from-Québec-slang when talking to my classmates, which I don’t do normally. WTF.
- Quitting my job brings a lot of shame but it is the right decision right this moment.