I guess we all have triggers that bring us back to some parts of our past that hurt. Still. Sometimes decades after. For me, it usually has to do with my relationships. The people who let me down, the people with whom I grew apart. Now and then, the hurt comes back right in my face and my heart swells and hurts and I can not breathe anymore. I wish I could leave it in the past, sometimes I think I did but then… nope.
And today was one of those days where stories of the past came back to haunt me. How I was abandonned. How I was told I was such the worst friend ever and will finish all alone. Things like this. I have changed since but sometimes I wonder… did I really ..?
I love Sundays.
I usually wake up before everyone, except Kalyani (we seem to have an internal clock in sync… weird !) so I go in the Studio for quiet creative time. Today, I finished a Nixie I really really like, she does not have a name yet but she symbolizes the Element of Air for my Oracle Deck in the Making (titled Soul Deck for now). I like the peace happening on my weekend mornings in the Studio that does not seem to exist on week days, even if I go early. Wondering how come is that. Funny how paintings have a mind of their own, no matter how you try to pull it into a specific direction, if it is not the one intended by (whatever you want to call… I say The Universe, The Divine, but you might say Greater Spirit or even God…) The Universe, then it does not matter what I truly want.
The only thing I don’t like about Sundays is that it means back to work for my husband the day after and it makes it hard on my Soul to be apart from him.
This morning was the usual calls with the family in France, bits of errands… I helped Antho finish my bath caddy but we now have to way for the varnish to dry as it needs like six different coats (!). Excited for my bath next week 😉 We needed a shelf for our garage but Costco did not have the one like we already have so we came home with fruits instead (ahah).
Girls played with friends outside for a few hours, so good not to have to wait for Summer for that, can not believe we had our first barbecue of the year today ! I hope we won’t jinx the beautiful sunny days because gosh, we need vitamin D !
so yay… nothing excited today either but it was overall a good day and I take them as amazing so I can hold on to them when bad days strike.
How was your weekend ? What are you planning for the week ahead ?
xo
Today was pretty usual. We crossed the border to go pick some magical mail that was waiting for me, and then go to Trader Joe’s for some grocery shopping. We had lunch on our balcony (first time as a family meal for 2015… sorry for you guys watching us enjoy the sun while burried under the snow). Mid-afternoon, we drove to Vancouver so I could go to Granville Island and shop for some new gemstones.
My favorite local shop to find gemstones is called The Crystal Ark. I am beginning to actually use them as grids, so they combine with each other even more powerfully than just put together on an altar, and because I am creating a Medicine Bag. I will take pictures tomorrow, as it is now dark. I am obsessed with Quartz and all its faces. Fell in love with a piece of Spirit Quartz, that has the slightliest shade of lilac and seems to have something in it…
Now the girls’ bedrooms are clean and we are very late on our schedule even for a Saturday (it is almost 8pm and dinner has not been eaten yet). So I am signing off, especially since my Cheridoo is losing his patience over me writing here for now.
What did you do today ? I hope you had a lovely day.
Today, my girls were off from school so we spent all day together. So I have special guests with me for today’s vlog. And you will finally understand why we surnamed ourselves *The KooKooYoos* mwahahah.
The weather was not amazing but good so as soon as Mae was ready (because well… Kaly was up at 7am and really excited when I told her we would go outside once the breakfast would be eaten and everyone would be dressed properly) we went out. The girls wanted to go up to their school but… it is a good 3km walk, one way, so I said no, not this time, but we could try later with Daddy. They were sad because the schools nearby were not closed today so we could not use their playgrounds but we had fun anyway 🙂 I took the time to write my Gratitude Friday blogpost and reflect on the actual goodness that was sent my way this week.
Then, we cooked lunch and as you can see, they were pretty excited about the rice (wondering why though but… we love to do our lazy sushi bowls, and I was pretty happy about their choice for lunch ! ahah). We ate while watching Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland. The visual of this movie is just amazing and I love the behind the scenes and making off bits and pieces in the blu-ray. I mean… Alice’s dresses are just stunning. And this is the perfect example why, a lifetime ago, I was dreaming of being a makeup artist (yup). It was the first time I judged they were mature enough for it (because they can still be easily impressed so we pay real care to what we allow them to see… but they are smart kiddos and our attention slips now and then, as any kid, they try).
We baked cookies and cake. What was supposed to be one cake ended up making three (did not find the correct pan… so did not get the magic part of the magic cake as much as I wanted, but it’s okay. next time will be better). So we gave two to our neighbors and brought some cookies for the new family that just moved into our complex (call me Bree… if only I could have a pretty clean and tidy house like her though). Their girl is Mae’s age and their boy a couple years older.
And then… we very quickly went to Clipper Street so I could pick up some supplies they had put aside for me. I love clear gesso and I am really excited about this new one, way less liquid than the only one I know by Liquitex, and all the new possibilities. I had the idea for a future vlog, can’t wait to take the time for it. Monday maybe.
Have a nice weekend <3
Some days, I just need to put that red lipstick I love. Just because.
And that galaxy leggin people find ridiculous. Who cares ?
oh and that Lindt heart chocolate that makes me sick but I wanna indulge in eating anyway (my choice) ? yes, was delicious despite the cramps and stuff after.
I have my share of bad days and tend to ignore them. But I know that ignoring is not the right thing to do because… well… it does not solve it. or make it go away. And when I am cranky, when I feel emotions I don’t understand or can’t put a name on, I snap. To those I love the most, the harder. And I am sorry. So very sorry. This life is such a huge learning curve. I do believe though that by focusing on the pain (whether it is physical or spiritual or mental or everything) just gives it power and force… so what is the balance in all of that ? Repressing is bad, basking in it is bad… talking too much about it and not talking at all about it are equally damaging.
I think that the first healthy step is to acknowledge the emotion and then find a way to process it. After decades of eating my emotions, after years of detructive thoughts, I know it is not easy but I know it is possible to find a way out, to at least keep the head above the water. Having a tight support circle is essential. People you can call whenever you fell that it is getting too much, without sugar coating anything, just as you are. It is not easy to let the walls down, and people in. But you need someone. We all do.
So today was about cultivating my happiness, filling the well again. I walked longer and different paths than usual. I ate a good fresh salad for lunch. Put my favorite matte red lipstick. Enjoyed a ginger beer (no alcohol) while painting, and a chocolate. I took a long bath (started a new book by an author I know the name but never read a book from, I think). And then I received the most exquisite handmade journals (one for me and one for each of my girls) made out of Disney book bards, hand binded, ordered by my Kindred Mindy <3 Thank you so much !