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Hop hop hop it’s Wednesday, which means that Jamie invites us to wish (and believe me, it’s VERY powerful). Today, we wonder: What do I wish to begin ?

Since about a year, I am a big list maker. I fear to forgot. But I also list a lot of different things… what I like, what my daughter received for her 4th birthday last week… I even list what themes I want to work in my Creative Journal 😉

So you may see where I’m going: I want to begin a lot of things, so I have to prioritize and chose what is the first and most important thing I want to begin.

Last week, I finally read The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. I am a huge fan of him, but I never was into this particular book, this one that everybody had read and loved… but I never was into it, because the story bored me, really. But several signs made it to my way and I think it was my moment to read it, to give it another chance. And wow, I can assure you that yes, it was NOW that I needed it.

Of course, I already knew what the book was about, and the concept of Personal Legend. But despite of this, it opened my eyes on some facts I didn’t want to see.

I was seeking what my Personal Legend was, but it was there from the begininng, I was just afraid to admit it, that yes I am worth it; that yes, I can do it; that yes, I deserve to succeed in it.

So today, I wish to begin to follow my own Personal Legend, no matter which obstacles I may meet on my Path.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Jamie !

I’ll tell you a little story…

Once upon a time, there was a woman. She really wanted to carry a new soul in her belly, but the Universe decided she has to face several obstacles. The doctors announced her that she had serious issues in her ovaries, she was operated, she took a lot of medicine, and finally, she was told that her belly will remain empty forever… It was so tough, that she never told about how she felt about that.

She met someone. She fell in love. I was told he was in love too. They had a lot of fun together, and he knew that she’ll be an empty belly so they never really paid attention to protect themself against the venue of a new little soul… but this soul chose this particular woman to be her mother, and came whereas she was not hoped anymore. What a surprise ! It causes a lot of changes, good… and less good.

This little grain, as you may have guessed, it was me.

During my second pregnancy, I “worked” with the most amazing midwife ever. Really opened to spiritual things… always there for my worries, during the pregnancy, and after I gave birth. Even months later. She helped me with some issues I had, she does acupressure, and things I don’t know the name (she takes my pulse but “sees” and feels things; I wish I could learn to do the same). She made me go back to the time I was just cells in my mum uterus… I felt and saw how it was… and realized that it determined who I am, now, at nearly 24 years old.

And it explains the name of that blog: “Pulsion de Vie” (Pulsion of Life, in english). Because now, I know that when I was just the association of two cells, I hesitated during a long time: should I return from where I come, or should I fight and stay and experience life with whatever it has to offer ?

SO… I want to acknoledge myself for fighting against that little voice that told me that I’d be better somewhere else, I acknowledge myself for not chosing facility (whether when I was a foetus, or when I was a pre-teenager). I chose life, and I am so grateful for that today.

I never gave up, I am still there. And I know I have a lot of things to do here on Earth, a lot of people to help, to listen to, to guide…

Things start to become clearer regarding my professional career (tsss I still have problem with that name… “career”).

And here we are, already Wednesday…

Today, Jamie asks us to wonder about Who is the “you” you wish to be?
Each week is going tougher thant the last one 😉

I wish I could be complete. You know, just to succeed in assembling all the puzzle pieces of my personality.

But above all, I think I just would like to be the one who never give up, the one who keep hoping whatever happens, whatever unpleasant voice sh** talks in the head.

So today, I wish to be the one who Believes 🙂

Some years ago, a friend told me that I was kind of “the light that stays on, by hook or by crook”. It cheered me up… I think it’s true, because even when I am really down, I still have hope and I know that this stage won’t last, that it is a just something to pass through in order to grow, to become more and more stronger.

I want to be the one who never forgets her Dreams, and who believes deep inside that they will become true, even if I don’t know how nor when.

I am the one who believe, just not enough.

Jamie makes me wait for Wednesdays impatiently 😉

Today, she invites us to wonder about: What door do I wish to open?

At first, I had absolutely no idea at all.

And then, I thought of our Dreams. The ones we cherish for years.
You know, nowadays you can read everywhere the sentence “Dream Big“. Yes, but sometimes the Dream you have is SOOOOO big that you just think it’s impossible to accomplish, that you just ask too much.

Today, I know it’s possible. We deserve our Dreams to become real.

You might think, after I reveal my wish, that I am a materialistic woman, but I’ll explain myself.

So, here we are: I wish to open the door of Prosperity.

We don’t want to be multi-millionnaires to have a boat, fancy cars and other things like that.
=> Just enough money to own a house. A home for us and our children, somewhere they will be free to do what they enjoy, somewhere I’ll have my own art studio, somewhere we’ll have our own garden to play outside, to grow some vegetables to cook together. Somewhere we’ll be proud to invite family and friends to (because today, we don’t even have an extra place for family from France to come).
=> Just enough money to allow our daughters to study what they want where they want, even if it’s abroad.
=> Just enough to no struggle every month, fearing to be short for paying the rent of the appartment, the school, food…

And Prosperity can have so many faces, not only money-related.

My husband and I belong to this category of people who have to fight to obtain what they want. We’re aware of that for a long time, and we deal with it. But an extra help is not too much to be asked. So thank you.

Sometimes, a picture is more powerful than words themselves. And associate and image with an emotion is very healing, for me.

The Knot goes back and forth in my throat.

I often dream to find this quiet space I see in my head, to go there, and to scream out loud until there’s no air in my lungs anymore. A simple “AaaaaAhhhh” that is pulled out of my tripes, that free, that pacifies.

And then, Life will flow again. Simply. As if nothing happened.

But unfortunately, it’s not that easy.

So I scribble, and I try to transform the feeling that bothers me so deeply in something positive.

Because I know it’s possible, and it’s always better than just be moping. Be pleased in negativity is like chosing the easier way (and trust me, I was like that). I’m known by my friends to be the one who choses the strangest & tortuous paths 😉