Being an artist is not just about the work. It is not just about the passion that comes from holding a brush and bringing stories to life.
What comes after the painting is created is the hardest. Sharing it with the world. Marketing it so the person who needs it the most finds it and offers it a new home. Writing here, writing and fearing the newsletter, social media, etsy. And so on.
Staying true to my essence. Keeping and tending the fire within to still burn, no matter how.
Being an artist can bring struggle. Doubts. Frustration. Envy. It sometimes turns me into a bitch.
Some days, I feel like I am lost at sea. Being rocked by the waves into the vaste open waters. No direction.
But then I remember I am not lost. Not really. I just need to pick a star to keep my eyes on, and follow her. See the bigger picture but also the smaller steps. Because my frustration comes from often only seeing what I want my art to feel like, to be like, to bring to my life and others’… but not being there yet. My fear is telling me that this bigger picture, that I can totally and clearly see in my mind, is just that: a dream in my head. So it reminds me I still need to do the work, to show up everyday. To share with you guys, whether you comment or not. It feels so alone sometimes, to put myself out there and have no response…
I am the kind who sees the glass half full most of the time. Maybe it is the Summer break that slows things down again but the doubts and the hurt are unusual this year. I want to give my apron back, thank you all for having stuck with me, and find something else to do. But I am still here. Still seeing these crazy creative ideas that ask of me to be fully present, fully trusting. I see life in textures. I see life in shapes. All the stories that come to me, sometimes yelling at me to get shared one way or another.
It will turn out as it is intended to, even if I just see my big picture and that this picture shifts and move along with me, or me with it…
I am still here and I am not done yet.
Thank you Hannah for sharing this Fight Song with me:
And yes… if I could face all my shadows, I would welcome them. They are me, I am them. No doubt about that:
Until next time <3