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Oh guys… I have been dying to share with you the creative process behind Meissa.
Meissa is a Nixie created for Katie, aka StarNative. The only demand was to incorporate crystals. You’ll see that even though I love crystals and having them in my artwork: I struggle.
You know I love keeping it real and it’s important for me to share the process as it is: sometimes it flows like a river, and some other times I feel like I am going against its current.

I really took my time with her. I put her in a special space in my ArtCave so I could actually see her every time I was in there.
Some paintings need space.
I am really proud of how she turned out and she stayed with me for a few extra weeks so I could charge her with Reiki and with a shit ton of Love.

Intention

I always start a session by setting my intention for the artwork. I light a candle and retreat within. The use of specific oils is part of my ritual as well.
Nothing is done without a specific purpose.
There is always some music playing, that I pick accordingly to the intention.

Symbols

You might have noticed that some symbols make appearances throughout my artwork.
This is the case with the “three drops/tears”. I have never explained what they actually mean to me (and might never do) but they have an important place in my art.
I also used the clusters of small dashes, checkers (in the stencil for the second layer).
And on her neck, I painted the Zibu symbol for Creativity. You can see a project I made with them right here. I use them often but most of the time, they are hidden more than in plain sight.

For my entire life, I have heard people tell me “you feel too much“. Well, probably. But what can I do about it? I have learned early on my spiritual journey that it can be as much of a blessing than a curse.
My best friend and I often talk about our personal Essences. What makes us us, and how it often is an issue regarding others. And I noticed how, on a regular basis, I catch myself telling her “But this is what makes us Human, too”. It is easy to want to block it all; the pain, the doubts, the fear. And you want to be in on a secret? When I was 18, I did a ritual to shut every feeling off (it is called ataraxia, by the way): it did not resolve anything.

Damn, it fucking hurts to be Human!

I have lived inside my head for most of my life. Well, if I am really honest with myself, I still do.
Learning who I am. Figuring out what would make me better as a person; not necessarily for others but so I am more at peace with my psyche.
Making art helps me to makes sense of things. Of my emotions. Of events. I step in my ArtCave and tell to myself: today, let’s figure this shit out. And I will pick the color, the symbols, the textures that embody this specific thing.

A song to illustrate how I feel about this

This weekend, my Husband, our daughter Kaly (who is 12) and I finally watched the movie adaption of The Hate U Give, by Angie Thomas.
I read the book last year, even though I remember putting it off again and again. You see, there are books I know I have to read but the topic scares me for a reason or another, so I push back the date I’ll finally get to it. This was the case for The Hate U Give

If you want, I’ll talk more about this book in a specific blog-post because this one is not about it but about what it brought in my heart, again.
Kaly knew what the story was about (a teenage girl is the only witness of her best friend’s murder at the hands of a cop, to make it very short). It is about Black People. The story is about the pull of knowing where you come from, but wanting something more anyway. It is about family and friendship and community. But mostly, this story is about finding your voice and deciding: do you speak up or stay silent?

Art is my Voice

I am guilty. Guilty of not speaking up for what matters. For not being an advocate.
For the past couple years, I have been painting and using my art journals to process the feelings of injustice, of being on the wrong side of the skin tone color spectrum, of fear that I will die for something I did not commit. I am scared for myself, for my children, for my people. I am in rage, actually. But what do I do about it? Nothing. Because educating people is fucking exhausting, but if not us, then who?

“The Talk”

I knew we would have to talk about what this means. We are a mixed family (I am already from bi-racial parents, and my Husband is White… so we make a visually interesting bunch, the four of us.) I had THE TALK with my daughters a few years ago. That talk we have no other choice but to have: what do you do if you are arrested by a cop? I won’t lie: I am more scared to go to the US than I have ever been. It is safer here in Canada, but for how long? We can’t deny I am a woman of colour. Kaly is paler than I am but usually, people wonder. Mae is not visually near being Brown and my Husband is clearly White. I was asked in the past if I was the Mom (note: this fucking hurts).
My Husband and I are very different people, but somehow that might be why we work so well together. At some point in the story, Starr (the main protagonist) and her boyfriend (who is White) have a talk and she tells him “If you don’t see my blackness, then you don’t see me“. That’s when he tries to explain to her that he does see her skin colour, but it is not what he truly and deeply sees when he looks at her. And this is a discussion Chéri and I had over the years… Because he does not see my blackness either, and sometimes it is hard for me to talk about what it is to be a person of colour in a White family, that there will always be this disconnection between him and myself because of it.
Just thinking and writing about it makes me cry because this is a touchy subject. Something that is so difficult for me to articulate properly. But I feel like I have been silent for too long now, and I will speak my truth and use my weapon: my voice.

In the book, Angie Thomas uses 2Pac as a reference a lot.
The title comes from something he apparently said: “The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everyone” (that is what his famous “THUG LIFE” stands for).
What do you think when you read this statement? Does it sound true, in your heart?

Welcome to this new Gratitude Friday! Feel free to share with me your (partial or full) gratitude moments in the comments; that way I can hold joy for you ✿ (you know that makes me happy to make you happy).

Oh my gosh. It is crazy how each week is different when being the same too. Does it make sense?
As part of being Unapologetic as a guiding force, and thanks to the Six Moons School of Alena Hennessy, I feel more in power of my creative career. Rome was not built overnight, nor is my career. I believe I am finding ways of being seen, of showcasing what I do in better ways. I am seeing results, and it makes me happy.

This week, I am thankful for:

• My husband being my rockstar
• Being asked to be part of a cool new project, more info next week
• Having asked for what I need
• Daily creative practice
• Books, always
• Having finished a painting I was really excited about
• You, who read what I have to share and/or take some time to comment
• Sunshine
• P!no new album is out today!
• Loving cooking meals for my family
• Seeing my bullshit for what it is, and working on it

Soundtrack for this week:

This is a subject that comes up quite frequently between my Husband and I. See, there’s a reason why I always use “passionate” to describe myself. I go head first in new passions like nothing else matters. Some have been part of my life for as long as I can remember, some are more recent. But to him, you should not make a career out of your passion, which shocks me every time he tells me so.

A few months ago, we watched the episode of “Chef – Pastry” about Christina Tosi. I love and admire her. Ever since I discovered her creations for Momofuku’s Milk Bar. She is passionate, she has that fire that almost died but that she did not let. It brought so many thoughts

Making art

When I was a kid, I used to make jars of colored salt and gift them to my family. I would sit down for hours, colored chalks, salt and empty yoghurt glass jars in hand, a newspaper covering the table as protection. I used to paint outside of my grandparents’ house as my Grandma and Mom were gardening. I was always doing something with my hands, maybe because I grew up as an only child and needed to busy myself. I wrote stories. My imagination had no limits.

Making art is not just about painting something, because you know as well as I do that creativity as various faces.
Also, once I started recording my process to share on Youtube, I discovered another passion: video editing. You guys: I have SO.MUCH.FUN editing my videos. Finding new ways to convey my stories, my creativity is always good for my Soul… so why not make it my job?

Reading

I don’t know at what age I was able to read by myself, but books have been in my life for as long as I can remember. The feel of paper and being transported into other universes and people’s lives is something I crave. Books are my escape route. Reading is what I do when I want to cut myself out of my own life.
One of my go-to Soul Care ritual is actually pretty simple: run a hot bath with Epsom salt.
I recently decided to go back to the beginning and quietly opened both an Instagram account (Bibliobibuli) and a book blog. It’s not filled yet, but it is a work in progress.
I would love to receive book for reviews. Putting it out there 😉

Cooking

Food has always been a big part of my daily life. I have all these pictures of family events focused around meals. This is not a cliché when we say that Frenchies are being social around food. We can spend hours at the table, not even necessarily eating but catching up, joking and being around loved ones.
Cooking brings back memories of me, my Mom, my Grandma, my aunts and even some of my uncles, together in the kitchen. Me on a stool, in charge of mixing whatever it was. These are found memories of my days as a kid.
At 18, after my career plan A didn’t work out, I started cooking school.
In France, right after our 1st daughter was born, I created the blog ABC-Cooking and even though I left right when I could become something out of it, it was quite big and is a project I am still proud of 14 years later. I am re-opening an updated version, called Nova’s Kitchen (Nova=Me), simply. For now, I write in French but I might make it bilingual.

Fitness

Living fibromyalgia (officially since 2011) is teaching me a lot about myself, and about my body.
See, I hated PE at school. I was quite bad at it so I was relieved to be exempted of it for my last two years of high school.
After two years of depression when I was diagnosed, I reached a point of no-return: I either continued drifting away, or had to make a change. Change it was. I started walking in our neighborhood for 15 to 40mn everyday. It was so hard at the beginning because I was heavy, and in a lot of pain. But fibromyalgia is like a vicious circle: the less you move, the more it hurts, the less you want to move…
Not too long after we moved to Québec, we signed up for Orange Theory Fitness. It is an hour-long fitness class that is both HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) and cardio. I knew nothing about this but it felt right. We were going 3+ times a week and I loved it. Pushing what I thought were my body’s limits became an obsession. Seeing results was a bonus.

How do I define my true calling, then ?

After reading what I just wrote, I realize that a lot of these passions were there when I was a kid, but abandoned at some point in my life.
Them coming back so strongly, when I least expected them, is what proves to me that I can’t escape them. I just can’t… So what should I do with all that?
I realized when I started trying to build a career out of my artwork, that it demands a lot of self-discipline, to be outgoing. It became too much pressure (put there only by myself). My creativity got blocked as a result. And that sucked! Sending my pieces around the world make me so happy, it is not even just about making money out of it.
I don’t have an answer to this question so I am open to your thoughts and input.