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Newest video:

Hello KittyKatz!
I am so happy to share with you this short new video. I made it to honour my Soul Whisper for this new year of 2021.
It strangely came to me pretty straightforwardly (if you have followed my past Soul Whisper stories, you might remember that I sometimes struggle to figure it out).

I had a cradled wood panel with the beginning of whatever on it and decided to use this. I usually go pretty small for my Soul Whisper paintings but this one is slightly bigger.

In the past couple of years, I had the sense of losing myself, of being somebody I did not recognize anymore. It took me time to acknowledge it, in the midst of facing depression like never before. So I want to devote this year to putting this Nolwenn I know still exists deep down back to the front.

Do you have a Soul Whisper for 2021? How do you dedicate yourself to it?

Some videos are harder to create and even harder to share than others. For me, this is one of them. Sharing about me, about bits and pieces of my stories as a bi-racial woman of colour is not something I talk about easily or often. But with what’s currently going on in the World, I felt awful not to address it at all. Because… sometimes, silence is compliance, right?

Here’s the video:

I have been working on this for quite a long time. It took more than a month from the moment I knew I had to do something to the moment I completed the page. Yup… I had to make my voice heart. Even just for me, because crying every day helps, but not for long.

If you follow me on Instagram, you might remember me posting a sketch of the drawing at the beginning of June. Then, it took me two weeks to actually stop avoiding going further in the project and paint it… Because when your heart is aching so bad, it does not matter if you know what you need to do. It just seems impossible. And I accept that today: the need for time to process emotions and thoughts.

I am bi-racial and am myself in a bi-racial marriage. I am a woman of colour and my husband is White, which resulted in a funny blend when it comes to our daughters’ skin tones (I have shared pictures of them in the video). All my life, I have been told stuff that left me without a sense of belonging, without that deep knowledge of being enough. Too white, too black, not enough of anything. This leaves scars and wounds I am now tending as an almost 35 years old.
Before you speak, always wonder “could this hurtful?” because words can destroy more than a punch in the guts…

Already one-fourth of 2020 has passed.
The world is going crazy right now because of this pandemic happening. It is a struggle to stay sane when suffering from anxiety, to begin with.

I am trying a new way of making my videos and would love your input. Do you like it when I incorporate something else than just the sped-up painting? I love this new version but I need to know if it is something you enjoy watching as well 😉

If you enjoyed this, please share on your social media with your friends and subscribe to my channel. If you click on the little bell, Youtube will tell you when I publish a new video so you won’t miss anything. I truly appreciate that.

I know… I have not shared anything here in quite a long time now. That sensation that my words don’t matter was stronger than the voice telling me to write in this space of mine.
Are you still there?

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you might already know that I am now the proud member of the Design Team for the stencil brand ArtistCellar. Stencils are one of the few supplies I use on every single project I create. Whether it is a painting or in my art journals.
I came across Lisa’s business a decade ago because they were the only supplier I could find that was selling Stewart Gills paints.

So far, I have three projects on the blog:

• My Grimoire cover
• A mixed media painting (available for sale here)
• A crystal grid plate

I am posting every other Monday. My next project is scheduled to go live on March 30th ?

I won’t lie: I am a little (lot) nervous to share this new video with you. This is nothing like I have shared in the past so I hope you will still enjoy these 4+ minutes with me 🙂 If I have learned something in my decade of blogging, it is that what I fear the most is what is needed to be shared. So here we go!

2019 has been a really tough year for my mental health. Because I have been struggling and I am seeing the same shit around me, I believe it is an important subject and that I need to be honest with myself, and therefore with you. I am learning that it’s okay not to be okay. That I need to pull the different layers I have been accumulating for decades in order to finally be my self. Unapologetically.

Don’t lose who you are

Fighting depression while fighting other health challenges has been tough. However, I know it could be worst. Knowing does not always help though, does it? It is like saying to your child “eat all the food on your plate, there are millions of starving children in Africa” you know: it is true, but it does no good in the issue. Did you know that as a teen and a young adult, I wanted to become a psychoanalyst? The human psyche is a maze I have always wanted to dismantle and understand better. Mine included. This is why I keep a written journal. I have been since I was around 7 years old. Yes, there is sometimes a huge gap between my entries. I learn to let go of this guilt and to continue anyway. Self-portraiture, but also getting my hands moving and creating something (whatever it is) is one of my way of getting out of my own way. Putting this video together challenged me like no other so far; this is something I am truly passionate about and I hope you will take something out of it. Maybe you will consider seeing a therapist or at least talking to someone. I struggle with self-harm and with eating disorders; admitting this is a huge step forward for me. But I know this is not all that defines me, and that’s essential for me to remember that in order to move on properly. I am not my circumstances.

About this Nixie, Elizabeth (alias Biz)

As I was planning the making of this video, I stepped into my ArtCave. I decided to dedicate a Nixie to it. I smudged and prayed, I asked my Guides to let a Nixie come to life. It was not easy to commit to it because I noticed I tend to fly from confrontation. Yes, even personal internal confrontations (silly!). But there is some power and some magic that can happen when you just open yourself to whatever you need to create…
PS: If you want, I can share the creation of Biz, the Nixie you see me create in this video, in a separate video.