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Day #9 of our Vlog Every Day in February project ! SO glad I am not giving up.

Today… I can’t wait for it to be over, well kind of… I went for a walk this morning and for once I did not come back with a cleared and positively set mind. Fortunately it is not the usual and I know I have some growth to do, and growing hurts. Fucking hurts. My heart is filled with fears and doubts. and what if-s. I know this will pass and that it is temporary. but it is painful. and counter-productive.

I woke up from a dream that feels quite important, this morning. See… I have been trying to get back to be hand in hand with my Guides for quite some time and try not to be angry about it. But I know that deep down, I am pissed. Because I feel like they have abandonned me. Like there is no help. But I guess this is to tell me that I have to do the work, that nothing is truly given and that we never should take things for granted. What I think they want me to know is that I need to keep being thankful for what currently is. For all that makes my life beautiful. It has to be a daily devotion. And then, I remember so clearly writing a letter to St Francis (why him ?!) telling I know he can make miracles, and this was my prayer to him, in the dream I take a great deal of care to use my best handwriting, and paying attention to how I was telling things. Then I put the paper in a box with dozens of prayers from other people who came from all over the world too, putting their hopes and dreams into words and surrendering them. Really weird dream…

I am not giving up. Surrendering is not saying you’re fed up. It is about trust and about faith.

Oh my… I hope I will actually get more productive in the next two days, work related, because I have not done much this week and guilt is starting to kick in and when this happens… well, it sucks !

Instead of stepping into the Studio or listing new art, I decided to spend time in the kitchen and cook a bit. Because I can, right ? so why not.

This morning, after my 45 minute walk (yes !!!), I looked at builders here in Langley or nearby and thought it was time to put black on what my vision for our dream home, so I wrote it down. Then I added a few pics and even created a Pinterest board for it, to which I invited my husband so he can add stuff as well. It is something we need to do together.

I am afraid to really put thoughts into the why I am not painting, why am I not spending time on my next class offering, why am I not taking pics of the new and old art that is looking for new homes… yes, today I am an ostrich.

Day #7 !!! I still have not given up, yaaay *I tend to give up so I am proud of myself for still doing this project*

I know I know… there is not «day #6». I tried… I recorded 2mn. But did not go on. Monday was a full day of everything and nothing at the same time, and it was late (almost 9pm or something), I started to actually film in bed but I realized something: I can not film while speaking if there is someone nearby who can hear me. Yup. So I gave up and made peace with skipping one day.

Coming back from a long weekend is always hard, even when we stay home. Long weekend equals time spent together, family activities, no alarm clock in the morning… when the usual routine comes back, it kicks me hard. I feel lonely, often feel lost too, somehow. Not really knowing what to do with myself, even if the quantity of things to do is huge. I know, now, that it is a matter of coming back to the routine and it passes quickly, but still.

But my day got brighter when I received this stunning painting from my Kindred Micki Wilde. She amazes me constantly by her talent and she brightens my day. I painted a bit, I do not really like what came up but I am totally okay with it because there is nothing that can’t be undone 😉 this is part of the process anyway. I had fun. Kind of.

So yea… art made my day better.

Olympia (WA) really is a pretty city. The Capitol is on top of a hill with a path we can go on, near Marathon Park.

We walked A LOT and at the end it was raining but not pouring. We will come back to the Nasqually Wildlife Refuge when it will be warmer so maybe more birds will be out there. Mae really wanted to see a weasel or an otter but I guess it was too cold for them to come out to play. We however saw two bald eagles (you see them in the vlog), a beautiful blue heron, lots of seagulls, different species of ducks… and geese. So it was not all of nothing at all. And it is good to be outside anyway.

We were blessed to have a beautiful sunny day, almost the total opposite of the day before.

Here are a few photos:

I am writing from the hotel room we are for the night, in Olympia (WA). It is a long weekend for us in British Columbia as we celebrate Family Day on Monday.

With my Husband, we decided at the beginning of the year to do our best to get away every long weekend in 2015. We love doing road trips, love we got from our life in France I guess. And it is important to devote time together as a family, and this is better done away from our habits at home…

We stopped at Bellevue and had lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. Remember what I told you about portion control ?? Well… the good side of the outrageous bigness of them in restaurants is that it can make you two meals instead of one 😉

We are well located in Olympia as we are 2km away from a Trader Joe’s… and a Barnes & Nobles. We are coming home heavier with new books and some POP figurines (but still no Castiel).

Newest member of my pop family 🙂 6″ (12cm) tall Baymax

A photo posted by Anthony P (@anth0p) on Feb 7, 2015 at 8:47pm PST