Archives

You all know I have stress management issues.
And right now, I’m going through major anxiety and stress. We are becoming homeowners for the first time, moving about 30km from where we currently live which means changing school for girls etc.
Moving has always been more or less emotional for me. I did a lot of digging and found out two years ago (when we last moved) what the trigger was. But it does not make it easier today. It simply doesn’t change anything for me to know the “why-s”.

I refuse to ruminate all the negative thoughts and fears that come through my mind about packing and starting some place else. It wouldn’t do any good.

So instead, I art journal 🙂 and make pretty pages with ugly thoughts buried under.

Here is what I’m currently playing with:

April 1st is around the corner. This is when 21 Secrets will officially open its doors to the students.

And it’s not too late at all to join and sign up ! Registrations are possible until October and the playground is opened until January 2013. That leaves plenty of time to enjoy all the 21 different classes at your own pleasure and pace.

As sometimes images are better than words, I did a little promo video of my class:

You can sign up here <3

I sometimes think of myself as a Lunatic.

My mood goes up and down and up and down again. It is exhausting. And even if I try to stop it, all I can do is go with the flow. I don’t know if it is linked with my fibromyalgia or not, and honestly I don’t even care.

It feels like I am absolutely not in control of my feelings. Which actually may be just a truth admist other truths, no ?
Just so you know, despite the fact I was born under the stellar sign of the Virgo, I am not that much of a control freak. I am a lot of things but not that. Or not for everything (just have a look at my home mwahahah).

Today, something HIT me in the face. I was wondering why this week was so hard for me creatively speaking. How come none of the paintings I started brought a«WOOOOOW I so love this one» like it happened almost everytime this year. And then… I realized that this weird flower-headed creature that emerged today holds the key to my answers: she is different. In everything I do, she is different. The painting, my process, her.

And then I asked myself some more: but why does this feel so damn hard ? this is not the first time I do something different.
Yes. But before, I was the one chosing to step outside of my comfort zone, to explore things. Since «Fierce», I have this weird sensation to be more of a channel than anything else. I don’t know what will decide to show up in the painting until it’s actually there (it’s like that for my Nixies as well, though). I’m okay when it’s a Nixie, no matter what she looks like, but then I see it and freak out. WHAT’s THAAAAAAAAAAAAAT (you see the famous painting «the scream» by Munch… yep that is what I look like heee).

I realize that the reason why I am afraid when I discover it is a weird non-sense creature that is on my painting instead of my usual Nixie is because it is not something I am expecting. If that makes sense.

But I remind one of the biggest lesson I’ve learn in this lifetime: ACCEPTANCE IS THE KEY.

I learn to let go of my expectations.
I learn not to be afraid.
I learn to accept to be a channel.
I learn to love what I create, no matter what it is.
I learn to love the downs as much as the ups. Because this is what Life is made of.

I am spending some much needed time in my art journal lately. Trying to process. Trying to prettyfy some stuff that happens.

Here is a page I made today (it was already dark, I may take a better picture *or not*):

On the other side of the spread is a sketch of a Nixie, Just a sketch… no shading, no color. And I did not know if I wanted the two pages to be separated or a spread. I still don’t know actually.

It says:

It’s ok..:

to be mad
to be sad
to wanna give up sometimes
to feel like today is the worst one in your life
to have big hope and small dreams
to scream at the top of your lungs just to LET it GO
to smile when you feel like breaking down
to join your hands in a prayer to Whoever would just listen to you
to cry and ask for help

It’s ok to have and express whatever emotion pass through you

(it just means you’re alive)

If I am sharing this page with you, it’s only because I feel like I was just the tool for the message. The channel so people could read these words. So people could know it is ok to feel whatever they feel.

I am struggling with my emotions right now. Not understanding them. Not being successful in processing them the way I wish I would. And I guess someone may feel the same somewhere and that this «permission slip» would reach someone who needed it.

Hello !

I know it has been quite a long time since I shared with you an In Motion video (either Art Journaling or Mixed Media related). I have faced many technical difficultied in the last month or so, and several videos had to be aborted during the process. I meant they were just not meant to be.

I am a tidbit nervous to share this painting with you. Because it is like nothing else I’ve created before, but I still feel like this is me. I have no idea what this creature is. Nor why I used these specific symbols at the end.

I had a lot of fun playing with texture and love the result. Ready ? Here it is..:

You may know how much I love using stencils, and to date my favorites are made by the company The Crafter’s Workshop, and I just swoon over those designed by Julie Fei-Fan Balzer (totally fangirling her, yea…). And I have the chance to have discovered a fantastic local scrapbook store that accept to special order stuff for me, the nonscrapbookerbutveryloyal customer 🙂

I think that I became more Fearless in my creativity thanks to Connie, and I will never thank enough for her class BIG that changed everything for me. Before, my creative process involved the search of perfection, intensive planning of what would the artwork will look like (and of course, this bad feeling when it never did look like what I had in mind). But since her class, I found how to free myself from all those high expectations I use to have. Not that I don’t care, I still do, but I am enjoying the ride, involving all the ups and downs of creativity.

I feel like I was in a kind of transe while doing this painting, even if it was recording, because the creature that emerge stroke me only when the painting was done, the camcorder off. What IS that ?!?
And of course, an army of Gremlins decided to show off: «you are crazy» «this thing does not look like anything» «people will think you are not normal» blablablablaaaaaaaaaaa
I got scared to share this painting, and her video. But decided to shake the Fear off and do it anyway. So here it is: