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 … but be healthy instead.

It is not a secret that a few months ago, I took the plunge and decided to become a BeachBody coach. Why ? Because I believe firmly in their programs, and in the nutrition aspect added to them as well.

Today marks the 80th day of the program I have been doing: it is the final day of it. Yes, I am feeling emotional about it. I am known to give up after a while. Before the end. I find plenty of excuses (“my body aches” “I am exhausted” “I can’t do it” “this is not for me” and so on). So finishing a program is a big deal to me. I have lost about 13 pounds and more than 15 inches all over my body and these inches off are what makes me proud.

You can say whatever you want, I know now for a fact that you can eat as healthy as possible but don’t get your maximum results if you don’t move.

Having a group to belong to in which you share your goals, your achievements and your struggles is a huge part of my success. I have an amazing coach, Carmen, and she needs all the love and praise because I am here now thanks to her.

Why I don’t want to be “beach ready”

In my mind, when I hear “get your Summer body now” or “Start getting your body beach ready” it makes me cringe. Being healthy AND fit is a journey. Sure, I want to be comfortable wearing a bathing suite, but at any time of the year. I refuse to diet anymore. It worked for specific amounts of time but did more damage in the long run.

For me, there are goals to reach but no destination. In the past, I have done about 3 rounds of Whole30 and it helped on the moment. But not on the long term because it is not a continuous way of eating. I tried being paleo but the amount of animal products consumed did not provide what I need. However, I took with me all the ideas to avoid gluten, as I noticed it inflamed my body (I live with Fibromyalgia and IBS, amongst other stuff). I want to eat in a sustainable way, to find what works for me. I decided to stop finding a box to fit in. Just do me because my body is working as it is and does not need a box.

Leading by example

We won’t say it, but we all watch each other. Not necessarily with intention, and not in a creepy way. But we do. I am the mom of two daughters, currently age 11 and almost 13. It’s the age when they start to see changes in their bodies and to compare it with other girls. I don’t know why we do this to ourselves.

What makes me continue is the unexpected “I am proud of you Mama” or “Can I workout with you today ?” from them. Because I want them to know that food is fuel and fun, that cooking is not that complicated if you stick to it even when you mess up a meal. I want my daughters to be comfortable in their own skin, no matter what. It’s okay to want to change, too.

When you avoid seeing your beautiful self in the mirror, it is a sign change needs to happen. You deserve to cherish the reflection of you in that mirror.

After almost a decade of daily creative work, I gained some insight about who I am.

Journaling my heart out through writing (either the daily morning pages, transformed into “whenever pages”, or just writing when it became too heavy inside and had to get out out out). Painting in color so emotions would come forward, so texture would tell my secrets without me having to be loud and clear about it. Cooking so my family would know how much I care about them and their well-being, so I would feed their souls as well as their bodies.

I would do all that so I would not have to truly think and acknowledge what I was going through. 

Health has not been great for most of my life but nothing too serious until my teenage years. I won’t share into details but it changed how people were feeling about me, therefore it changed my vision of myself as well (because it is often easier to take what they tell you you are for true than going further than that).

It took my body to completely crash down in 2011 and to feel sorry and pitiful for myself to decide enough was enough. I was not even 30 yet and could not believe I felt like I was more than twice my age, that my body was abandoning me like that. I remember silently screaming that it was not fair. For two years, I almost lived in my yoga pants and leaving the house only when I had no other choice; it was that bad.

During that time, creativity saved me from going insane. I noticed that the less I was doing, the more problematic it was to hear my Inner Voice and to create anything. I thought I was fighting but was losing the battle because nothing was working. Until I pushed really hard, to accept my situation and let go of all the “should” I was filling my mind with.

I set goals and work my ass off to reach them

I decided to give gluten a break, as for refined sugar. Just to see if my body would be less inflamed. After all, why not ? It was not easy, especially as I am not living alone and that temptation is here all around.

It takes time to figure out a diet that is not so strict that it is not possible in the long run (I am not allergic to anything, so it is all about the decisions I make for myself, nothing is imposed on me). I tried being 100% Paleo and completed several rounds of Whole 30. But because I am not a meat lover and do not enjoy consuming meat at all, it is not suitable for me in its entirety. I tried to be 100% vegan but always come back to a bit of dairy consumption. I was hard on myself for not being able to fit into any dietary box until I said “f**k this, I will just cook and eat what I both love and is good to me”. I lost about 20kg (+- 44lbs) and felt GREAT (see picture taken in my former Teal Studio).

My creative life was at its zenith, daily painting/journaling was perfect. I was finally in my happy place, in all areas of my life.

And then we moved to the other side of the country. I stopped my daily walks in the morning (I highly recommend it, it helps clearing your mind, and to keep moving is essential when you have fibromyalgia), I ate whatever was easy and quick. The results ? The flare-ups came back stronger than ever, I gained 10kg and started to hate what I was seeing in the mirror. Back to square one. I did not paint or sketch for half a year. No inspiration, I did not even see the point of stepping into my Studio (brand new one)… The picture on the right is a recent one, I still do not like what I see BUT I am taking charge. Going to an amazing workout Studio 3 times a week with my husband since April, doing my best to get back to a healthier diet (bye bye Nutella) and not giving up. It takes time for fat to melt, I always had a very hard time losing weight and keeping it off but knowing it is possible is what keeps me going. And you know what ? I am painting again ! Nixies are back after a little break.

This is how reclaiming my body as my own is keeping me creative.

This is a sensitive issue. And I feel like I rambled for 20mn instead of saying all I wanted to share about that subject of body image, how I decided to «go back into my body» and what I now do… So I guess it is a good thing to blog along the vlog (ah !), to write all the things I could not say. It is one thing to write about it and another to actually talk about it… sorry.

I have been asked a few what did I do to lose my over weight. What do I eat. If I exercice.

I tell you in the vlog that I would try to find some pictures. And, beautiful Beans, THIS is asking a lot out of myself. Even more than talking english on video. Yup. It says a lot… but there you go:

I think this was taken around 1991 or 1992, so I probably was 6 or 7 years old in this pic:

These are not the pretties pictures and I did not intend to show myself at my best but to give you an idea of the body changes in two years. Each pic was taken at the beginning of the year.
This is really hard to look at (so imagine, all the official papers with my face on it that had to be done in 2013. I feel like I could puke each time I have to see a photo of me when I was looking like this. The fact that I was 20kg over weight. The fact that I just don’t know who this woman is. The fact that I can’t believe I let myself go that down… I failed myself. This is how it feels, anyway. Because I fell down the «not eating enough» wagon, then the emotion over eating one. Where is the balance in the middle of the crazy shit we think about our selves, about our body ? I can’t tell you I bear the anwer to this question, because I believe the answer is different for everyone.

Some of the tools for my success

Portion control

This is the number one that changes everything. Switch the plates you use, take the size under. This way, even if you fill it, it will be less food but your brain will still see register it as «not deprived». Sounds silly but trust me, it works.

In North America, this is what is wrong, in my opinion. Everything is too much. Way too much food as a «normal». This was one of our number one shock when we arrived from France and went to eat out. Like really. We knew everything was kinda bigger here but not to this extent. So my advice when you go out: drink a glass of water to fill you a bit; don’t be afraid to ask for the leftovers to be packed for you and take it home for another meal. You do not have to finish your plate. No, you don’t.

And about seconds… doing a little sensation in the tummy check is good. Are you sure you are still hungry ? Isn’t it just that you don’t want to waste (hey, there is nothing wrong with leftovers guys) ? Isn’t it that you really like the food that is on the table and want more of the goodness ?

Take your time

Another one that sounds obvious but the faster you gulp down your meal, the less chances your body will register that it actually received some fuel. They say we should take at least 20 minutes to eat a meal. And another good side of taking your side is that you will enjoy the actual food more, because you won’t be in a rush to just be done with it.

Fitbit Flex

Yup, I have had mine for a bit more than a year now, was a christmas present from my beloved. I need to be motivated (and I love gadgets, too). I love that it is synced with my phone and is accessible on my computer as well. I can set up my own goals (for now, I lowered first from 10,000 steps to 5,000 to 6,500 to now 8,000 steps a day). If I want, I can record what I eat, if I want to lose weight (or to maintain), and any exercice done during the day. I am a visual person, and the little leds dots are good, I check during the day to see how far I am from my goal, and it does help me to keep going.

Cooking what I eat

Obvious, right ? But if you want to gain control into what comes into your body, you need to cook. You don’t have to be amazing at it, no worries.

You don’t have to buy everything organic, but if you can afford it, why not ? Be careful about the protein sources you choose.

Butter is not your enemy, but I would suggest you use ghee, which is clarified butter. It has a very high smoking point and is better. It tastes so good, too. I also love cooking with coconut oil but it does taste coconutty so you need to be aware of that.

What I eat

I am a foodie. I did start cooking school in France, worked in a restaurant, but life had other plans for me when a little Soul decided to join us earlier than we thought. I love cooking. I love eating. I love exploring and discovering. But for a while… I lost all interest, cooking the least possible, eating because I had not not because I wanted to. In retrospect it makes me sad but I know this helped where I am now. I used to have a pretty big food blog back in France. As I say in the vlog, I sometimes miss blogging and sharing about food (but I invite you to follow my Instagram account, in which I regularly share about food).

I eat way more raw food than ever. Love me some good salads, but not the boring kind. I allow myself a little cheese in there but real good cheese (my current favorite is the «French feta cheese» found in Fred Meyer), and sprinkled with nutritional yeast. Make your own dressing so you know exactly what is in there and this way, you can get rid of the junk they put in the premade ones (no matter how good they can be. Making your own will take a few minutes only).

I am neither Paleo, nor Vegan nor anything that actually fits into a label. I am comfortable with what works for me: try my best to avoid gluten and refined sugar, not too much meat and when I do I am picky, cook with ghee or coconut oil or very good olive oil. I try to avoid too much soy but I do love me tofu; I found a good replacement for soy sauce called Coconut Aminos.

When it comes to drink… water is of course your best friend. If it is hard for you to just slurp plain water throughout the day, try adding fresh fruits like citrus in it 😉 I love juices but always go for the one «not from concentrate». My favorite at the moment is the «Power from 7» juice from Trader Joe’s.

Keep moving

Find what works for you. You don’t have to run if it is not your thing. I fast walk for about 40 minutes every morning. But in order to get to it, I need to chase any excuse I could find. I take my iPod with me, and my phone when we go to wait for the schoolbus, and I go as soon as my girls are inside and on their way to school. Because if I have to go back home I will just stay there and procrastinate… I have a bike but barely use it, what a shame. When I feel like it, I will do some stuff following Youtube videos.

My husband and I also invested into the DDP Yoga DVDs but need to go back to it (there again, it is more fun to do that with somebody…).

I am looking for good resources to start yoga.

I know it can be overwhelming. We hear so many contradictory infos about health and food, about health and moving. Do what works for you and stick to it. If I am able to do it, after years of yoyo weight, after years of thinking my body was just the kind to gain weight and never losing it, you can do it too. YOU CAN DO IT ! One good choice at a time…

I am sorry this is a very long post… if you have any questions please post them in the comments <3

If you follow me on Facebook and Instagram, you may have seen that I decided last week to challenge myself this month.

September is my birthday month, I always want it to hold something different, just for me.

After two years with fibromyalgia, a move across the planet from where I was born and raised to where my heart belongs, lingering depression and more that put my body into the heaviest I’ve been (yes, more than when I was actually 9 months pregnant ! shocker), it is time to go back to who I know I am.

It is difficult to look at myself in the mirror and see someone I don’t recognize. I do a lot of Soul Work, because it’s who I am. I am beginning to understand the link between my thoughts, my Spiritual path, and my body (because yes, they are intertwined together).

I jotted some ideas of what I want to focus on this month, knowing I can’t do well on something too rigid:

Food is the major part of what I need to focus on, I can indulge too easily. I am an emotional eater, been since I am a teenager. I am aware of it, but sometimes awareness is not enough. By doing this publicly, I find myself kind of accountable. No Nutella this month (it is my nemesis, even if I know exactly the side effects it has on me every single time I have some).

One of my goal is to see myself differently, and also to find the food that helps if not eliminate, at least reduce the inflammation and exhaustion. 
Self-portraiture is something I do for that purpose. Not out of narcissism, but I noticed how it helps me document who I am at a precise moment. It does not have to be a photo of my face. I won’t necessarily share it on social media or here, but for this month of September, I will take a self-portrait everyday. And see what comes up at the end of the month…

I know some of you expressed interest in this project, I would love to know what is your plan, even if it is just two-three things you want to do this month to get into a better health.

I use the hashtag IntoWellness, so if you post something related please feel free to use it as well so I can find you 🙂