- Literally feeling like I have a fire within, burning my bones and articulations. This is what fibromyalgia is like, most of the time; especially when in a flare-up. I use my arms a lot in my day job (and welcome back biceps!) so my shoulder blade and elbow are currently in flames… It’s not going away, even though my husband massages me with a specific oil every night. Maybe I need to accept that this will be my new normal?
- I love riding my bike to work. It only takes me about 10 minutes to go from home to work and I will miss it once the weather becomes the yuck it is in the Fall (rain) and the winter (snow and ice). Bonus points to the fact that my butt is becoming quite nice looking and that it builds muscles in my legs.
- I miss spending time with my husband. He leaves for work before 7 am in the morning, and I am home around 7 pm at night. I don’t have real weekends either so we actually are lucky if we have one full day out of seven together.
- Art Journaling saves my sanity. So does my diary. Putting the feelings outside of my head is essential to my mental health. I know I should find a therapist but with my work schedule, I don’t even know when I could go… Maybe it will be easier once I have a small car, too. Maybe.
- I am relieved that my anxiety level finally decided to go back to almost normal. It was out of control for 3 weeks and I thought that it would just be another “new normal”.
- I’ve been eyeing “Fresh Paint” for a while, it’s an online class by Flora Bowley & Lynzee Lynx. I took an in-person workshop with Flora years ago, at Teesha Moore’s then Seattle Studio and it changed my perspective on my creative process. I’d love to learn from her again. But it’s like a big chunk of a week’s worth of my current salary 🙁
- Makeup and Sacred Adornments are a big part of my identity. However, as I work in the food industry, the rule is no makeup, no piercings on the face, no jewelry… I feel like this is another version of myself and I don’t like it, at all… I don’t like how I look at my job. It’s not me.
- Grief is a bitch and it’s not always about a person. I need to grief art as my career and it hurts like hell to accept my huge failure. I still believe that I could bring something to people’s lives with my art but I never “made it”. Therefore, my heart is shattered that I need to get a day job to pay our bills and debts instead of working from home as an artist. Right now, I would much rather work 12 hours a day as an artist, but it’s not happening. I am grateful for my current job position though, don’t get me wrong.
I feel like I’m on the verge of a flare.
My back and hips as usual. But my right shoulder and arm are
trying to join in. Not cool since it’s my dominant hand.
I can understand the no jewelry but the no make up things seems confusing.
When I worked in the food industry, we couldn’t wear rings unless it was
wedding or engagement. And no nail polish or fake nails. Guys couldn’t have
earrings, gals couldn’t wear dangle-y ones but studs were fine.
Please don’t give up on your dream of being an artist full time. You are so talented.
I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing Lisa. My dominant arm is flaring up big time as well so I totally understand the fear and frustration. Inflammation sucks 🙁
Before this job, I worked a few days in a food factory and the rules were even stronger. In this job, I can’t have my wedding rings even though I wear gloves 90% of my day, no face piercing, no earrings… I guess for the makeup they are afraid particles would end up in the food? I should ask my boss, maybe I could still wear a little eyeliner… just to feel a bit more like myself you know, nothing heavy for sure.
Thank you for the encouragement. Working outside of home is actually motivating me to do something for myself and I have been more productive in the three hours I have before my day job than when I was doing the art thing full time. I guess I needed another motivation? I suck at figuring out how to manage my time and it was why I was so bad, I guess.
Nolwenn, I hear you re #8 especially. Please don’t give up on your dream. Your art certainly touches me, and i know it does others, and i enjoy watching you on YouTube. At this time in your life, perhaps being a full time artist with a steady income from art isn’t feasible and that sucks but it may change in the future. So many times I have tried to make a go of it through my writing. Now I’ve reached a point where I can work part time outside the home in a field that is rewarding but unrelated to writing so I can still write (and art!) and sometimes make supplementary money from it. But I can remember well that feeling of not being able to make it on my creativity alone…it can still haunt me if I let it. Have you looked into grants at all? Personally, I think this lack of support for the arts says so much more about society than about us as artists unfortunately. Big hugs. Oh, and re your comment above, I agree, sometimes it’s the pressure of too little time cos i have to go to work, that gets my butt in gear to create! Keep creating as much as you can. Your light is needed.
Thank you so much for your comment Sue. It means a great lot to me. I have tried in the past to give up art, and I just can’t. It brings sadness and frustration when I don’t create for a certain period of time. It is just difficult to deal with the crickets, you know… I must be doing something wrong, or not doing something because I do not really reach people.
Even working part-time outside and part-time making money with my art would feel amazing. I am so happy you found a way to make it work <3
Thank you again