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It is 6:28pm. My girls are loudly playing while in their bath, my husband is not home from work yet and my brother-in-law came back from his adventures not so long ago. Surprisingly, my daughters napped quite long today, and to be honest this is a good thing as I am a total mess being around.

I do not recognize the Nolwenn I used to be anymore, and it scares me. It makes me hate me.
I knew that fibromyalgia would change my life, would maybe change me. I don’t know if all is linked or not. I just know that I just don’t like feeling like I do because it does not look like me.

Body image issue is hitting me back in the face, when I did not expecting it at all.

I am moody, sometimes mean, I want to be alone (usually i am just happy to have my relatives around, now it is just too much).

I won’t spread the details, I am just not in that good place I used to experience, not finding this Inner Voice telling me that everything will be alright that I should not worry that much, that I should stop hating myself for what I am (or am not). Praying, begging for signs that do not come or that I do not see…

I just needed to create to shake things, hoping it would shift something.

Not finished yet but I wanted to share the words with you. Hoping it will speak to someone as well…

Yesterday was my daughter 6th birthday. We had an amazing day all together (my husband worked but came home earlier than usual)… I did a bit too much and pay the price today. Can barely walk and I am exhausted. But it was worth it as she said to us that she loved her life so much it was bringing tears in her eyes…

I should be working, the painting I started this week as to be done again (the face anyway. see the pic on the right) and Friday is almost there. I gessoed over the face and hair and will be working on it tommorow. I have not done the two paintings I planned but I am okay with it. I learn to just go one day at a time.

So instead, I do a bit of art journaling here and there… I started my new (5th) Art Journal. I chose to finally use this Strathmore Visual Journal everyone is praising, the bigger one. And I must say this is a good one. Not used to journal on a spiral bound anymore but I appreciate not having to work on spread, I shoud it would bother me; we will see.

Here is the first page of the journal. I wanted something meaningful for me:

I started by painting the background with acrylic paint. Then I used Julie Fei-Fan Balzer’s stencil (with The Crafter’s Workshop) with Lindy Stamp Gang’s Starburst sprays. It bleeded a bit underneath. but that’s ok.

Then, I chose a selfportrait photo I thought was reflecting the feeling I wanted for the page, printed it and torn it instead of cutting it.

I added buttons around, and burnt myself quite hard with my hot glue gun. Twice. And a bit of fabric. Don’t know why, it was standing there so I put it on the page.

And to finish it, I wrote with India ink, black and indigo, with my nib pen (just loving it).

Pretty easy, but I really love this first page.

You can have a glimpse of the second page on this picture. Autumn tones. Sketching in front of Arthur and the Invisibles (which we all enjoyed). Trying new faces, and to draw something that looks like a body. I then wrote some thoughts in her hair, still with my nib pen and some India ink.

I didn’t really care about the background as you can see. Just rolled some paint with my brayer, and I don’t know why the colors did not really blend together as they usually do (?).

I am still kind of struggling with my faces. Envying people who seem to draw so easily, knowing this is not a good thing to do. At all. But I feel like mine does not look….. professional. Not worth money from people. Yay…. I know.
So I am experimenting. I am definately not a realistic artist, not able to draw a proper face. So I have to find MY thing even more, I have the base I don’t want to change. My style is now kind settle and I love what I create and the messages that go through me ! Which is important, in my opinion.

I love seeing others’ watercolor journal pages. Some are just AMAZING !!! I don’t know this medium well (Alisa Burke’s watercolor focused online class is on my list to take when possible). So I am just fooling around with it. See:

It’s not fine art 😉 But I had fun and I need fun right now.

This is where I am at right now… Will be sharing today’s page when I am done with it (playing with paint, stencils, heavy gel medium and spray ink).

You know that Vancouver’s nickname is RainCity, right ? It is a truly deserved name. No matter the season, clouds like to pour their tears on us.

This weather imply very little natural light very often. Which is not very helping for painting, recording a video, or taking pictures.

Some lamp with «natural light bulb» exists. We were lucky to score some at Costco, for $13 ! We did not really thought of it, and grabbed 2 (one for my husband and one for me)… and we realized when arrived home that the cashier forgot one (or whatever happened), so we paid only one lamp… Oops.

Here is what my art table (aka dinner table) looked like this afternoon:

Was just warming up in my new Art Journal (one of the big Strathmore visual journals) before starting a new painting.

This lamp saves my life 😉 It also means I will be able to do videos no matter what the weather is. YAAAAY !

I am participating to the new project, «Out of the Journal», started by Samantha and Dina: create two canvases a week. If possible 8×10 or more. I combine this with our 52 paintings done in 52 weeks. Here is Sam’s blogpost for more clarity: right there.

I really enjoyed this week’s paintings, that allowed me to complety get out (and pretty far away) of my usual creative comfort zone…

I love working on wood panels, but I don’t know why I stopped using them. This is such a different surface to work on, I just love it. I am a wood lover, and this time I really wanted it to still be visible.

She is filled with imperfection and amateurism. But I love her colorful shimmering hair (I will try to catch that later). Her body is white with blue shimmers. The words are not written big enough. But there is something about this painting that just yell at me «I am enough as I am, don’t try to perfect me»… So I simply listen 😉

Sometimes, the message is more important.

Oh my goodness…. this one brings me a lot of joy. She is not totally finished yet though. She is created on stretched canvas (surface I do not use that much anymore either…).

I began with two intertwined intentions: add a little bit of collage and play with colors, not mater what the media is.
I played with spray inks and then with white paint. Then, she emerged from there a few day later… My daughter can’t help but tell me how long her neck is. That’s true. And I love how my girls have this «me» thing that I can now speak of, but every single each of them is unique. Longer nose for one, longer neck… whatever it is, I just paint what I see.

I can’t wait to hear what message she has to whisper to me 🙂

This is it for my third week Out Of the Journal !

Gratitude Friday is a weekly ritual I started in order to focus on all the small and big positive things that happened during my week. I invite you to join me, you’ll see how much being thankful can change your life. If you want to know more about it, read my introduction post.

Hello !

How was this week ? I know for a lot of you Moms out there it was back-to-school week. I hope all went well for you as for your kids (or not so kids anymore). For us, it will be in September, in just a bit more than 2 weeks from now. I love my kids but school time is much better for all of us than two months of vacation 😉 And the girls are soooo excited !

This week, I am thankful for:

• My creative juice, still yummy and pouring on the canvas.
• I finished my Art Journal and started (hmmm in fact, I just gesso-ed the first page but still) the #5. You can see the video right here if you haven’t watched it yet. Feels good. A page is being turned, plenty of others are just wainting to be created, discovered, written.
• I love my Mamounette (aka Mom), and she will be with us in 2 months from now. Despite all the crap happening, I know she will still be coming.
• We received a package full of goodies from my family-in-law.
• Words with friends can be funny, after all.
• Rising Appalachia‘s music, I listened to it over and over all week.
• The kindness of the ladies at the scrapbook store Clipper Street. Can’t wait to play with my new stencils from Crafter’s workshop.
• I got a sale from my affiliation with Goddess Leonie. Thank you to you who made it through me. I know you will enjoy the Goddess Circle.
• Teesha Moore is way more than an amazing inspiring artist.
• Thank you to you, who come on my blog, and take the time to stay, read a bit, comment sometimes. It’s okay if you don’t leave a word too.
• I received very nice comments on my Art journal video. It is always something that warms my heart.
• I started writing daily again. Just venting, sorting things out.
• My brother-in-law arrived to day for his vacations with us, he is the one who comes every single summer since the first year of our Canadian life (the first one, was 6 months after our arrival). He will be here for Grenouille’s birthday. It means a lot to her.

If you wrote your Gratitude Friday on your blog, don’t forget to enter your NAME and URL below so I’m notified and can come to read you (you can also join by commenting this post):
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