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I’ve been sick for a few days weeks, but I’m finally now feeling like myself again. Little by little. One day at a time.

I started to write a whole other thing after that first sentence below and then decided to erase it. It has to do with all these stories I tell to myself, and it felt old and a voice in my head told me «you need to rewrite this story you keep telling to yourself, Darling». So I listen and decided to delete it from here.

Sometimes (ok… often), I find myself comparing with other artists. Even if I know each of our paths are different and filled with different successes and challenges, I can’t help but compare. However, what is always always there is that feeling of being blessed: I do have the chance to work/ from home. I do what I love, even if I wish more of/for it.  A lot of learning since 2008 when I somehow started this creative journey I embarked on, a lot. I am forever thankful for that.

NOTE: I actually wrote these first paragraphs above in 2013 (!!!). As I am going through the 24 drafts posts currently existing on my blog, I found this and thought I could add to it.

I have not created anything since I filmed my lesson for Book Of Days, a few months ago. I am now settling down in my new space and it is smaller than the two previous studios I had. However: I do have my own space in our downsized home and that’s amazing.
On Fridays, I use to have this series of blogposts titled Gratitude Fridays and thought even though today is Monday, it would be a good moment to express gratitude.

Lately, I am thankful for:

• The weather in BC has been beautiful this week, sunshine, warmth and blue sky
• The girls still enjoy their school, crossing my fingers this will stick for the next few years
• Slowly but surely, we are making a home out of our new house
• I’m extremely busy with college classes and papers/projects but my grades are really satisfying
• My Mom got her first shot regarding the covid-19 situation
• I might take back some foodie projects I had set aside
• Sushi from the west coast (do I really need to say more?)
• I got an unexpected custom Etsy order and this makes my heart flutter
• This nice feeling of getting shit done
• I drove alone the 50 kilometres that separate our home from the YVR airport. We had to return the location vehicle and the taxi charge would have been high so yeah, I drove the rental. It was the first time I was behind the wheel all by myself for such a distance. I know I am 35 and it should be a breeze but trust me: driving is something I enjoy but that scares me a lot.
• Mae found me the Monster Papillon I have been looking for and even though I know energy drinks are no good for you… it helps on days when fibro is acting up.

I would love to support you and if you feel like it, you can share a few things you are grateful for right now and see if a shift happens in your mood <3

I am currently writing from a small Air BnB apartment¹ we are renting in Langley, BC until we have the keys to our new home (tomorrow, April 3rd!). This is a one-bedroom, we are four people plus a dog. Let me tell you: this is an everyday challenge to stay sane. And to study/attend my college Zoom classes while my husband is having meeting after meeting in the same room. We are both still working in Montreal’s timezone. It means we get up almost every morning around 5 am. Days seem to last longer than they actually do.

I am however very grateful to be back in British Columbia. For years now, I have been pondering the notion of “home”. I’ve always had this deep gut sense of being inadequate everywhere I have lived. But this is a story for another day.

Exhaustion is real…

Last year, I decided to finally take the plunge and I found a great therapist. I uncovered a lot about myself during these 9 months. I don’t regret it, even though facing some stuff I probably would have been okay with keeping buried. Our main goal was to work on my anxiety, finding its root to find the best coping mechanism-s possible for me. She then advised me to take one day at a time, one breath at a time and to “just survive today, tomorrow is not there yet“. So this is where I am right now, surviving one day at a time; accepting that nothing can/has to be perfect (at least not on the first try anyway).
My body and my soul are exhausted but I keep moving.

I have a series of questions due tomorrow regarding the movie Kinsey, by Bill Condon. This is for my philosophy class in which we focus on the concept of the Human Being. This movie is our link to the Freud concept of the human being. Days of reading about Kinsey and his sexual researches get me thinking too much… Good thing I find this fascinating. This second half of the winter semester is filled with huge group projects, exams and studies. If you can keep me in your thoughts tomorrow (Thursday, April 8th), I have another big exam in art history, regarding the Renaissance period, at 5 am my time. It’s way too early for my system to function properly on writing an essay about Renaissance art…

I know my body is yelling because I am pushing but I do feel like I do not have the luxury to slow anything down at the moment. My teenage daughters are adjusting to this comeback. My husband and I are still moving our stuff from the storage unit we are renting. The goal is: this home will be 300% a representation of who we are, for once; both individually and as a family.

1. I started this about ten days ago. I am now in our home 🙂

Heyo!

Thank you for staying around when my life went downhill for a while. I was expecting it to happen, but maybe not as much as it did.

Today is April 1st and the lovely Effy is inviting us to dust off our blogs in doing another round of Blog Along with Effy.

Today is also the day my lesson is up in her year-long class Book Of Days. It’s not too late to join us! The community and love are absolutely fantastic, everyone cheers everyone and in the current times, it feels like honey on my heart.
I strayed a bit from my usual Nixies and went a completely different road in my journal for this. This is both scary and exciting at the same time 🙂

It’s almost 8 am here in BC and my brain is foggy. So to start this month-long project, I will just unload my brain a little, maybe it will help (you can read my previous Brain Dumps right here if you’d like). In no particular order..:

• Waking up around 5 am every morning makes the days seem way longer than they actually are. Good thing I AM a morning person…
• This college semester is nothing like the first one. I wake up, study, attend Zoom classes, study, think about the exams and projects, try to rally my different teams, study…….. It is overwhelming, to say the least.
• Moving across the country SUCKS.
• I can not wait to be in our home in two days. However, the idea of emptying the storage room where our entire life resides at the moment is not something I am looking forward to (note: my husband and I will have to do it all…).
• I am excited to set up my new creative space. We have not seen our new home in person yet so we are not sure about the actual room sizes. I hope to be pleasantly surprised and no the other way around.
• Huge relief: our daughters love their new school so far (they are in grade 8 and in grade 10).
• My Mom gets her vaccine in two weeks (she lives in France).
• Exhaustion and anxiety are deep today.
• Music and books keep me sane. This is the good side of not having a TV in our bedroom where we are temporarily staying.