I am currently writing from a small Air BnB apartment1 we are renting in Langley, BC until we have the keys to our new home (tomorrow, April 3rd!). This is a one-bedroom, we are four people plus a dog. Let me tell you: this is an everyday challenge to stay sane. And to study/attend my college Zoom classes while my husband is having meeting after meeting in the same room. We are both still working in Montreal’s timezone. It means we get up almost every morning around 5 am. Days seem to last longer than they actually do.
I am however very grateful to be back in British Columbia. For years now, I have been pondering the notion of “home”. I’ve always had this deep gut sense of being inadequate everywhere I have lived. But this is a story for another day.
Exhaustion is real…
Last year, I decided to finally take the plunge and I found a great therapist. I uncovered a lot about myself during these 9 months. I don’t regret it, even though facing some stuff I probably would have been okay with keeping buried. Our main goal was to work on my anxiety, finding its root to find the best coping mechanism-s possible for me. She then advised me to take one day at a time, one breath at a time and to “just survive today, tomorrow is not there yet“. So this is where I am right now, surviving one day at a time; accepting that nothing can/has to be perfect (at least not on the first try anyway).
My body and my soul are exhausted but I keep moving.
I have a series of questions due tomorrow regarding the movie Kinsey, by Bill Condon. This is for my philosophy class in which we focus on the concept of the Human Being. This movie is our link to the Freud concept of the human being. Days of reading about Kinsey and his sexual researches get me thinking too much… Good thing I find this fascinating. This second half of the winter semester is filled with huge group projects, exams and studies. If you can keep me in your thoughts tomorrow (Thursday, April 8th), I have another big exam in art history, regarding the Renaissance period, at 5 am my time. It’s way too early for my system to function properly on writing an essay about Renaissance art…
I know my body is yelling because I am pushing but I do feel like I do not have the luxury to slow anything down at the moment. My teenage daughters are adjusting to this comeback. My husband and I are still moving our stuff from the storage unit we are renting. The goal is: this home will be 300% a representation of who we are, for once; both individually and as a family.
- I started this about ten days ago. I am now in our home 🙂
I emphasize Nolwenn, moving is so hard. I hope you get settled soon so you can relax a little and take that one day at a time. I love your pussy willow picture.
Thank you Jean <3 We met with one of our new neighbours earlier this afternoon and all agreed that moving is hard but unpacking once in a new place is not easier. The only difference is that once everything is here and not in the storage, we can take all the time we want/need to settle down 😉
Oh Nolwenn, while I feel for your struggles right now, I am also super excited for your family to have a home that is truly yours. Congratulations. I will be cheering you on from California for your studies and for your day to day with anxiety.
Thanks Leslie. I have faith that this was the right decisions (both to live for Quebec and then come back in BC) because my entire family grew from the ashes.
It sounds like you are dealing with so many stressors right now! I hope you can breathe a bit more deeply and slowly once you are HOME and settled!
Thank you Michele. I guess that I *am* excited to be settled here and that this goal is a huge help in dealing with the everyday mess that is our current state.
Nolwenn recently posted…I just wanted you to know That this is me trying
That’s quite a big move, geographically. That alone would be an adjustment. I would be exhausted too.
Yea… I have to admit that having done France –> BC –> Québec –> BC, I am never moving these distances again 😀
Nolwenn recently posted…I just wanted you to know That this is me trying
Moving is exhausting. <3 I hope you're being gentle with yourself. <3
Doing my best not to go into fight-or-flight mode <3
I’m glad you’re in your new home now, Nolwenn! Whew! The motel situation sounded crazy but you survived! Thinking of you as you take your exam today. And wishing you and your family much love and happiness in your new place. <3
This is such a large move, geographically and also personally! I’m so happy to see you blogging again, and I will be cheering for you along with Leslie, from here in NY.