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Welcome on a new edition of my weekly ritual, Gratitude Friday (if you are not familiar with it, please go read how it came up and what it is about).

Faith has many faces (ahah). I believe, deeply. I might share my credo with you someday, if it is something you are curious about. I love how Faith brings people together, even when (especially when) the believes are not the exact same. And my Faith is what helped me to see each day in a better light this week.

This week, I am thankful for:

• My husband coming home tonight from his week away in Texas.
• The sun showing through, in between rainy days.
• Evenings spent with my girls, sleepover in my bedroom while Daddy’s away.
• Magic.
• Inspiration.
• New projects.
• Love.
• My Kindred Sisters, unfortunately scattered all over the globe.
• The birthday surprise for Grenouille that was a huge success.

And you my darlings, what are you thankful for, what can you celebrate today ?

Welcome on a new edition of my weekly ritual, Gratitude Friday (if you are not familiar with it, please go read how it came up and what it is about).

Satnam… Truth… this is one of my core thing in this lifetime. All is evolving around Truth(s). Sharing them. Discovering them. Nourishing them. Letting them go when they change and do not serve their purpose anymore. If there is something I despise it is lies. So this week, I am really thankful for the Truth.

This week, I am thankful for:

• My Husband (his fierce and unlimited love, his humour, him in his wholeness)
• My Mom
• Learning how to drive
• My Kindred Sisters
• Doors opening
• Hugs
• Japanese food
• Possibilities
• Unexpected results
• Creativity
• Sunshine

I have been looking through the photos we took during our 10-day vacation and still can’t believe we saw Orcas. Not as close as I would have hoped (because of the new regulations in the US) but still. They are magnificent beings.

My ah-ah moments often come when I do not expect them anymore (in the shower. in the car…). When I am *this* close to giving up something.

I was writing this from the balcony of our hotel room in Bear Mountain, not too far from Victoria BC. This is the second leg of our Summer family vacations, the first actual real time away in a very long time.

While I was preparing my breakfast this morning, I realized that this time away from home, away from our routine, is giving me a clearer vision of what I want my life to be. What I want my life to look like. What I want my life to feel. I guess we forget too easily that our life is more about how we feel than anything else. The gut feeling gets under-rated.

For the past month (or more if I am being real with myself) I have been unhappy. lost. sad. lonely. doubtful. on the verge of falling too deep into this darkness I have became so good at pushing away when looming over me.

This time away is bringing me back to myself.

It sounds so cheezy but it is so darn true. I swam and jumped into waves in the ocean for the first time in a decade. I breathe the salty air in, taking all the joy it brings directly into my Soul, making it last as long as possible so my cells remember. I exhale all these doubts about what my Soul came here in this lifetime to learn, to share, to be.

I am here, now, and this is all that matters for real.

I believe our life is made of our choices and their consequences. Every single day is made of a multitude of them, and I am not talking just about the big decisions, but even the smaller ones, the ones that seem importantless. To me, this is how our life is created. It is both amazing and scary, when I really think about it because it means that I am the sailor of my boat, not the Universe (it is always always easier to blame it on someone else’s shoulders, right ?). And this is one of my Universal Truth (each and everyone of us have those, and they vary from me to you etc).

My husband and I are now in the process of visionning together and bringing the life we truly want. I am used to do the work alone, so this is new and exciting and scary to voice out loud my deepest desires. But I know I am safe with him, I know we are what they call “a power couple” once we tap into this well of infinite energy.

I decided to flip my thoughts and my feelings to see what happens.

After looking at this self-portrait, I told my husband “hmm it is weird how I noticed that the self-portraits I take when we were at the ocean and this one shows someone that feels physically so different than the self-portraits I snap at home”; to which he replied “because you are. here you are the happier you, I have not seen you laughing and being yourself as much as you were when jumping and swimming in the waves in a very long time. and it shows.” And I guess he is right. He is right. And I want to bottle these feelings, so I can be that Nolwenn every single day, so I can decide every morning when I wake up that it will be another amazing day somehow. I am not my circumstances (more on that later).

And now I am back and have work to do (it is so exciting ! I have some cool announcements to do in the next couple weeks 😀 so stay tuned).

Being an artist is not just about the work. It is not just about the passion that comes from holding a brush and bringing stories to life.

What comes after the painting is created is the hardest. Sharing it with the world. Marketing it so the person who needs it the most finds it and offers it a new home. Writing here, writing and fearing the newsletter, social media, etsy. And so on.
Staying true to my essence. Keeping and tending the fire within to still burn, no matter how.

Being an artist can bring struggle. Doubts. Frustration. Envy. It sometimes turns me into a bitch.

Some days, I feel like I am lost at sea. Being rocked by the waves into the vaste open waters. No direction.

But then I remember I am not lost. Not really. I just need to pick a star to keep my eyes on, and follow her. See the bigger picture but also the smaller steps. Because my frustration comes from often only seeing what I want my art to feel like, to be like, to bring to my life and others’… but not being there yet. My fear is telling me that this bigger picture, that I can totally and clearly see in my mind, is just that: a dream in my head. So it reminds me I still need to do the work, to show up everyday. To share with you guys, whether you comment or not. It feels so alone sometimes, to put myself out there and have no response…

I am the kind who sees the glass half full most of the time. Maybe it is the Summer break that slows things down again but the doubts and the hurt are unusual this year. I want to give my apron back, thank you all for having stuck with me, and find something else to do. But I am still here. Still seeing these crazy creative ideas that ask of me to be fully present, fully trusting. I see life in textures. I see life in shapes. All the stories that come to me, sometimes yelling at me to get shared one way or another.

It will turn out as it is intended to, even if I just see my big picture and that this picture shifts and move along with me, or me with it…

I am still here and I am not done yet.

Thank you Hannah for sharing this Fight Song with me:

And yes… if I could face all my shadows, I would welcome them. They are me, I am them. No doubt about that:

Until next time <3

NOTE: I started writing this blogpost in April 2013 and it was there, in my «draft pile» as I call it. Browsing through it, looking for something else, I was called to click on this one to see what I was talking about. And two years later, this is so spot on, I need to come back to it. (Just note that «yesterday» actually means «two years ago» lol)

Here I am again. Not knowing what to do once I am in my beautiful home studio, looking at all the surrounds me there (supply yes, but also inspiration artwork I bought from artists I admire, pictures that spark my flame, photos of my dear ones…).

The desire to paint, to transform the thought/idea concretely on the canvas is absolutely in me. I feel it warmly nested in the center of my being, waiting for me to allow it to awake. It is like, though, there is an invisible wall that surrounds me once I am in front of the surface.

It took me years to refine my style. To uncover it. Years. And it is a never-ending process. And I love this about my creativity. The exploration. Even the mistakes and the ugly. But what I love more than anything is when I have that «ahah» moment. When my breath is taken away. And then I know that this is what I am meant to do… Because finding your purpose ain’t easy. Because when you feel like it is in your hands, it is not. Not really.

I mean… from this (Annya, 2011)..:

… to that (Aria, 2015):

«Aria» (Element Air)

You know how it is always easier to give advice to someone, and when you face the same kind of situation you find it impossible to practice what you preach ? I hear you.

I was talking to my Studio Buddy (ie my lovely neighbour) yesterday, she asked me what I’ve been doing lately (since it’s been a while and we needed to do some catching up). So I told her: I am inspired, but every time I come to the Studio I look at my in progress paintings and go back upstairs without doing anything. And I showed to her the ones I’ve been working on and told her: «this is not my usual style. There is a freaking boat on this painting. I mean… A BOAT !!!!!!» and while talking, I realized: «I know what’s wrong now ! Until now, I felt like I needed to paint my Nixies because it is my signature style. But I don’t HAVE TO, I can do abstract if I feel like it. Or a booooooooooat if this is what appears, and I need to be okay with the changes in my style and in what I create. And let go of the fear of what people could think of it.»  This was my epiphany moment.

And that was a good crazy talk. I now know that it’s okay not to paint the same thing over and over again and that change can be good even if it is scary at first.

Use that fear.

Push in the right direction.

It’s okay.

So you’ll soon see a boat painting about journeying. And I am called to work with Totem Animals. It is a subject I’ve been fascinated with for more than a decade now but was afraid to tackle in my art. Afraid not to make them justice (if that makes sense), but I don’t believe in coincidence and if that Hare appeared in my Art Journal, it’s for a reason (I don’t usually do animals except Owls). So I am researching in my books, online and inside of myself.

I don’t know if that Mr Owl is done or not, he is teaching me a lot. And Mr Hare may get out of my journal to be on a painting of its own…