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DISCLAIMER: this is a longer vlog so take a drink, sit tight and hopefully you’ll enjoy me walking you through my Teal Studio (home studio). Another disclaimer… I absolutely did NOT clean or tidy before recording mwahahah.

A few facts ;):

• My Studio is located at street level (we don’t have a basement but it is still a 3-level townhome, lots of stairs), I unfortunately use the guest bathroom (and even if I clean the sink etc, it is not Mr Clean clean…) but I’m thankful to have one nearby.
• It is my first Studio, I used to just have our dining table as an art table and it was a pain. But there again, better than nothing at all.
• The unfinished look of the painted walls is on purpose, and I even have my handprints on the small part near the door that goes outside. A reminder to myself that everything is a work in progress.
• I have way too much stuff. I am an artsupplyhoarder in recovery and I use to subscribe to several different monthly kits… and it came way faster than I could use it for. I feel trapped and need to get rid of most of it (I still love art supply but know what I use and what I won’t).
• I love having Studio buddies. The space is not huge but can hold two or three persons no problemo.
• I do my best to clean after me on my table before leaving the space for the day because if it is filled with too much stuff I know I will walk away (all about the excuses, right ?). And it feels better to arrive in a somewhat welcoming space, anyway !

Do you have a personal space in your home that you have dedicated to your creativity ? I’d love to know (and why not, see !).

I recorded late last night and knew I would not be quick editing it to post it right away (and I am okay with it).

Yes I already was in my pjs 😉

This is a short one but I wanted you to know you are loved and that your relationship status does not determine your worth. No, I assure you: it does not.

It’s Friday babeeeeeh ! And as of magic, my heart feels lighter today than it had felt all week (I guess that pausing to write my Gratitude Friday blogpost did help quite a bit).

I notice that keeping everything in the Studio has me to actually step into the Studio so no excuse for not lingering there a bit longer and actually work/play/paint.

Because, even after years selling my art and being guest here and there as a teacher, I am still comparing too much to what other do, and how I think they run their business and this blah and that blah… I decided one thing: play and bring the joy back. Not to sell, not to make people but myself happy. To define myself more as an artist. To push these edges more and more. To find that there is actually no edge to what I can bring to life.

I told you in previous vlogs that I can be very good at finding excuses for myself. And not bringing to life some of my biggest dream is often evolving around one same story I tell myself: I can not draw. My nearly 8yo draws better than I do, it is in her, was never in me. But I can teach myself. I can draw the shit of what is in my mind until it does look like the Universe in my mind and the images that swirl in there. I do not have to live into a world of frustration.

Oh this week… Tears, doubts and fears decided to crash my party. It happens. It freaks me out. But I know that I always make it through. Always.

This week, I am thankful for:

• Commiting to the Vlog Every Day In February (aka vedif) and vlogging everyday (minus one I did not publish).
• my morning walks.
• smudging the shit out of everything
• cooking, it does not have to be complicated or very elaborated, but using fresh whole ingredients to nourish our bodies makes me really thankful
• the «I love you»s
• my Kindred Sisters who stick with me and hold my hand. So does my Husband.
• tears, cleansing me
• music
• sunshine
• the long weekend we had
• the good news related to my Mom’s health
• the new music videos from Florence + the Machine (new album this year, yesss !) and from Taylor Swift (one of my fav. song from her latest album).

May this weekend be focused on Love. Not only the sentimental one but Love for what it is, this pure energy that could erase and swipe away any trace of negativity.

Day #9 of our Vlog Every Day in February project ! SO glad I am not giving up.

Today… I can’t wait for it to be over, well kind of… I went for a walk this morning and for once I did not come back with a cleared and positively set mind. Fortunately it is not the usual and I know I have some growth to do, and growing hurts. Fucking hurts. My heart is filled with fears and doubts. and what if-s. I know this will pass and that it is temporary. but it is painful. and counter-productive.

I woke up from a dream that feels quite important, this morning. See… I have been trying to get back to be hand in hand with my Guides for quite some time and try not to be angry about it. But I know that deep down, I am pissed. Because I feel like they have abandonned me. Like there is no help. But I guess this is to tell me that I have to do the work, that nothing is truly given and that we never should take things for granted. What I think they want me to know is that I need to keep being thankful for what currently is. For all that makes my life beautiful. It has to be a daily devotion. And then, I remember so clearly writing a letter to St Francis (why him ?!) telling I know he can make miracles, and this was my prayer to him, in the dream I take a great deal of care to use my best handwriting, and paying attention to how I was telling things. Then I put the paper in a box with dozens of prayers from other people who came from all over the world too, putting their hopes and dreams into words and surrendering them. Really weird dream…

I am not giving up. Surrendering is not saying you’re fed up. It is about trust and about faith.