Inner Voices
12Apr/131

Gratitude Friday 04/12/2013, Thank you Mom

Gratitude Friday is a weekly ritual I started in order to focus on all the small and big positive things that happened during my week. I invite you to join me, you'll see how much being thankful can change your life. If you want to know more about it, read my introduction post.

It’s Friday !

I am taking some time this morning while Mom is getting ready for our day. The girls are back to school today (we made them miss yesterday), Cheridoo is at work, so it’s our first day just the two of us. Lots of plans ;)

I hope you’re having a good week, and counting your blessings. I know I insist, but it is important to me to also see the little moments, they are as essential as the bigger and more obvious ones. I hope you’ll take some time today to make your list, even just a simple mental list.

This week, I am thankful for:

  • Mom is here from France, leaving in July.
  • We planned our meals for until the end of next week.
  • Grenouille, who told me what she wishes for me. She touched me deeply with her honesty.
  • The professional opportunities. Explorations.
  • Music.
  • The Polaroid Supercolor 635 that my Mom brought with her. It belonged to my Grandpa and it’s still working, but I need to find some films now.
  • The painting I created this week for Christy Tomlinson’s class «Behind The Art», out of my comfort zone but I totally love what came out.
  • Friends.
  • Dreaming with friends. Opening doors of new possibilities.
  • Trust

I’m wishing you a wonderful week-end.

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    9Apr/131

    The mask I (use to) hide behind

    Truth and Honesty. With me, with you who take some of your time to read this blog of mine.
    I am feeling so raw, writing you this. But I feel like it's time. Now.

    Lately, I have been working a lot with the topics of "Who is the real ME". Yea I know I know, one of the biggest eternal spiritual question. I have been digging for more than a decade and finally feel like I have scratched and peeled most of the layers that have been covering ME up.

    I believe that once you've reached a certain level in your Soul pathway (the one you walk on life after life after life), you're given the choice before being born. I should say «choiceS». What you'll face, in what family you'll grow in, the challenges and joys. But it does not mean it's carved in stone, just that what needs to happen will happen and the rest will unfold depending on your choices (see how we always come back to the same topic ?). I do believe in free will.

    March 2013

    Because my gut was telling me, since I was a kid, that I was not «like anybody else», I put a mask and built walls all around me. OKay, I don't bend spoons with my mind (there is no spoon anyway *yes this is a «The Matrix» reference there*), or things out of the blue like this, but it was still floating around. Being what I jokingly call now «half & half», the Brown raised on the White side of my family tree, knowing very little about the branch that gave me my skin color.
    When I was a kid, I used to wish I was be blonde with blue eyes. Just to be more blended (however, for the first 8 years of my life, growing up in Paris' suburbs, it was not an issue for me to be Brown as there are lots of immigrants (several generations) in this part of France) in my surroundings, just to stop the stupid question «Were you adopted ??» (both from classmates AND from their parents).

    Who is the real ME ?

    There are so many stories I tell myself about what the answer to this question is. Could be. Should be. It can be so damn hard to look at myself in the mirror, actually looking for my Self; and not finding it, not seeing it. It is often like there is a whole world between how I feel inside and what is looking back at me from the mirror.  And then I snap a self-portrait of my face, look into my eyes, and I know this is still the same me...
    But I am getting there. I know I am somehow finding my way back.

    I guess we all have these stories we tell ourselves, over and over; so much and so loud inside that it becomes what we think is our Truths. But they're not. I say it again: they're not.

    As of today, I still feel giganourmously out of place around people, afraid. Letting people in takes a lot of effort, and is for me a sign of bravery. Letting myself being seen as I really am. The quirky passionate woman, healing the kid I was.

    This is me.

    Found on Pinterest

    Tagged as: , 1 Comment
    5Apr/131

    Gratitude Friday 04/05/2013, Thank you Trust

    Gratitude Friday is a weekly ritual I started in order to focus on all the small and big positive things that happened during my week. I invite you to join me, you'll see how much being thankful can change your life. If you want to know more about it, read my introduction post.

    Happy Friday !

    What a roller coaster of a week this has been…

    This is what this weekly ritual really is for me: a time to ponder the negative in order to let it be outshined by the positive. Knowing that yes, it is there, but that it does not have to be what matters the most or what takes the largest place in my mind and in my heart.

    I feel truly blessed. Like this inner knowing that everything is there for a reason.

    This week, I am thankful for:

    • Great heartfelt talks.
    • Mom arrives in 5 days.
    • We did arrange the guest room for her, even if the walls do need some color paint (they’re white).
    • I received a fantastic and totally unexpected gift that made me cry of Gratitude
    • FaceTime dates.
    • It’s the week-end.
    • I’m still losing weight, bit by bit.
    • Listening to the crazy talks. That leads me to more acceptance.
    • The book «The Night Circus» by Erin Morgensten. Listening to the audiobook on my iPad while painting.
    • Zopiclone pills.
    • Good health insurance coverage.
    • Living close enough from the US border so it’s easy to cross it to receive parcels.
    • Pep talks, encouragement. Knowing that they were exactly the answer to my prayers.
    • Never giving up.

    What is on your Gratitude List this week ?

    If you wrote your Gratitude Friday on your blog, don't forget to enter your NAME and URL below so I'm notified and can come to read you (you can also join by commenting this post):

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      2Apr/132

      Listening to the crazy talk

      I am one that usually try to reason everything. Which is quite paradoxical when you know than I am also a supporter of gut following in almost everything I do.

      When it comes to creativity, I am more often listening to what is whispered than trying to find my way out of it. However, when it seems too big, too crazy, too weird, I push it back. Like a reflex I don’t control (or it wouldn’t be called a reflex, right ?).

      I am an over-thinker. Nothing overly good or wrong about it, this is just my reality and I go with it.

      I noticed that last year, and the beginning of this one as well, has been filled with sometimes very high peaks of creativity (you know… when you only think about what you wanna paint next. And this color you use over and over. and this series of painting you are dying to start. and and and…) alternating with sometimes very deep holes. A rollercoaster it is, my friends. And now and then, it gets scary no matter how loud I scream to let it go.

      When my Inner Voice tells me that this would be a good idea, I answer a loud «HELL YES ! (thank you)* but right now, I am pushing the Voice away even if I know she is right. How do you do when you know you are just facing a big useless stupid resistance but don’t know what to do against it ? I don’t like fighting my feelings anymore, been there too much for too long.

      You know how it is always easier to give advice to someone, and when you face the same kind of situation you find it impossible to practice what you preach ? I hear you.

      I was talking to my Studio Buddy (ie my lovely neighbour) yesterday, she asked me what I’ve been doing lately (since it’s been a while and we needed to do some catching up). So I told her: I am inspired, but every time I come to the Studio I look at my in progress paintings and go back upstairs without doing anything. And I showed to her the ones I’ve been working on and told her: «this is not my usual style. There is a freaking boat on this painting. I mean… A BOAT !!!!!!» and while talking, I realized: «I know what’s wrong now ! Until now, I felt like I needed to paint my Nixies because it is my signature style. But I don’t HAVE TO, I can do abstract if I feel like it. Or a booooooooooat if this is what appears, and I need to be okay with the changes in my style and in what I create. And let go of the fear of what people could think of it.»  This was my epiphany moment.

      And that was a good crazy talk. I now know that it’s okay not to paint the same thing over and over again and that change can be good even if it is scary at first.
      Use that fear.
      Push in the right direction.
      It’s okay.

      So you’ll soon see a boat painting about journeying. And I am called to work with Totem Animals. It is a subject I’ve been fascinated with for more than a decade now but was afraid to tackle in my art. Afraid not to make them justice (if that makes sense), but I don’t believe in coincidence and if that Hare appeared in my Art Journal, it’s for a reason (I don’t usually do animals except Owls). So I am researching in my books, online and inside of myself.

      I don’t know if that Mr Owl is done or not, he is teaching me a lot. And Mr Hare may get out of my journal to be on a painting of its own…

      30Mar/130

      Gratitude Friday 03/29/2013, Thank you family

      Gratitude Friday is a weekly ritual I started in order to focus on all the small and big positive things that happened during my week. I invite you to join me, you'll see how much being thankful can change your life. If you want to know more about it, read my introduction post.

      Happy Friday (well... it's Sunday now, because I forgot to schedule it to post without me having to think about it. And our Saturday was filled with 0 computer time. Oops) !

      I won’t lie: I am pretty happy that it is finally the week-end. My husband has his Friday off from work, which means we’re spending these three days together and this is something really priceless to me.

      I’ve been in an introspection mode lately, trying to figure out where I wanna go in my creative career (it is was to the point where I was wondering if I really was an artist or not. yup. that kind of hole…). Trying to define my Faith (and my conclusion is: I don’t belong to any box, and I accept that now. I appreciate having a bendable Faith).

      There is a lot to be thankful for, but I will go to what comes in my mind as I’m writing this here. This week, I am thankful for:

      • My daughters playing outside. With or without our neighbors’ kids.
      • Spring break coming to an end (as much as I love them, we are all happy school is starting again soon).
      • Facetime on my iPad mini.
      • Having finally started our Family Painting.
      • Having my Mom on the phone.
      • Cooking as a family. Thank you for the best kitchen we've ever had to date.
      • Sunshine.
      • Netflix.
      • Decluttering. Organizing.
      • j-10 before my Mom arrives from France.
      • Honesty. Trust. Confidence.
      • Deepening my knowledge.
      • Healing the Past to assure a better Future and a fantastic Present.

      I wish to all of you who are celebrating a happy Holiday time.

      A few pics of my week:

      2013.03.29-GrosGouter2013.03.29-Ikea

      If you wrote your Gratitude Friday on your blog, don't forget to enter your NAME and URL below so I'm notified and can come to read you (you can also join by commenting this post):

      1. Karen S Musgrave
      Name URL  

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