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Welcome to this new Gratitude Friday! Feel free to share with me your (partial or full) gratitude moments in the comments; that way I can hold joy for you ✿ (you know that makes me happy to make you happy).

This week, I am thankful for:

• That little frog above made my night the other day… and she’s VERY angry 😉
• My BFF is moving on beautifully, I am proud of her
• I learned that Julia Michaels is opening for P!nk next week and it doubled my excitement for that concert.
• I am applying for jobs, that’s a step forward…
• I feel more in my power than in the past few years
• My BFF (her nickname from me is Cocotte, just so you know) sent me a song and now I am moved and almost in tears because it means a lot to me that someone knows me to my core, and still loves me.
• Going meatless with our daughter Kaly feels good
• It’s Mother’s day here this weekend
• My meds being covered by our assurance
• CBD oil at night, to calm my fucking mind
• Paint
• The people who believe in me
• The flowers in my garden are blooming and it makes me so happy inside
• Music
• Books

This week’s soundtrack:

It’s past noon already.  I have not accomplished much so far but I guess I needed that slow morning.

I wanted to go do my workout this morning, now that my body seems to be less inflamed. But instead, I am talking with my best friend, Cocotte. She currently lives near Paris and asked me about high school. We met at the end of our high school years. Even though our lives took different turns, she’s my people. Cocotte is the Cristina to my Meredith. It sucks that she is geographically so far away and I miss her.

Listening to…

So many new music is happening from artists I love right now. I am listening to “Hurts 2 be Human” by p!nk (my daughter Kaly and I are going to see her live in less than two weeks!).
“Amidst the Chaos” album from Sara Bareilles (and her two previous albums thrown in as well).
“When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?“, by Billie Eilish. Always… and I have a surprise coming sometime this month.
And because they just announced that their new album, “Fever Dreams” will be released this summer, I am listening to Of Monsters And Men. This group does wonder for my imagination.

Reading…

“Violent Ends” by seventeen different authors.
This is the first time I am reading a book made like this. This is one storyline but told in seventeen different points of view. Each one was written by a different writer. Isn’t that crazy???
It revolves around the event of a school shooting so this is something you should know if you decide to pick it up.

In a one-of-a-kind collaboration, seventeen of the most recognizable YA writers—including Shaun David Hutchinson, Neal and Brendan Shusterman, and Beth Revis—come together to share the viewpoints of a group of students affected by a school shooting.

It took only twenty-two minutes for Kirby Matheson to exit his car, march onto the school grounds, enter the gymnasium, and open fire, killing six and injuring five others.
But this isn’t a story about the shooting itself. This isn’t about recounting that one unforgettable day.
This is about Kirby and how one boy—who had friends, enjoyed reading, playing saxophone in the band, and had never been in trouble before—became a monster capable of entering his school with a loaded gun and firing on his classmates.

Each chapter is told from a different victim’s viewpoint, giving insight into who Kirby was and who he’d become. Some are sweet, some are dark; some are seemingly unrelated, about fights or first kisses or late-night parties. This is a book of perspectives—with one character and one event drawing them all together—from the minds of some of YA’s most recognizable names.

Eating…

I decided to give up meat, once again. This is not easy when not the entire family is following but I am making it work.
It all started years ago, when our daughter Kaly announced one day that she would not eat meat ever again. She lasted about 9 months before giving in to the call of bacon. However, she now and then goes back to being meatless.
So right now, I am enjoying a vegetarian diet. Here in Québec, we finally have access to the Beyond Meat burgers after a few years of waiting. I grilled some yesterday for dinner, and added a slice of vegan Chao cheese on top: it was delicious! So I am going back to my beloved vegan cookbooks as well.
I need to watch my snacking habits again, which is made easier with the fact that I am wearing teeth aligners. But still… I have about 10kg to lose so my bones will be happier and I am not one with the easy-weight-loss gene.

Feeling…

I am currently battling with the feeling of being enough. Good enough as an artist who could build a career of it. Trying to figure out how come my message gets lost, again and again.
Good enough as a Mom; trying to find the balance between caring too much and giving too much wiggle room.
Good enough as a friend.
Good enough as a woman, period.

Working on…

I am editing several videos and hope to publish at least one every week.
I am still trying to figure out what you guys would like to see from me so please, tell me in the comments. If you don’t know my Youtube Channel yet, there you go.

I just announced my participation as a teacher in the Wild Creative Journey class, where we will explore the link between mental health and our creative life. So excited to create a project for it and go deeper into how both are intertwined in my life. You’ll gain so much knowledge, be part of a community and learn some new ways to add to your creative toolbox: for 33$ US, I would say it’s more than worth the investment. PLUS: I have a spot to giveaway 😉
I am also in brainstorming mode for my lesson in Book Of Days 2019. It’s not too late to join us. The lessons released every month are blowing my mind (and putting a little more pressure on my shoulders).
I might launch my Patreon but it scares me a lot, so I don’t know yet. My daughter Mae (who will turn 14 this summer) is a huge help in this project.

I am so happy to share with you that I will be joining the Wild sisterhood for an 8-week class. This will focus on how art practice can deeply help our healing. Find out more here (and I suggest you sign up for the entire shebang so you can access everything Shai is teaching)
The line-up of teachers is fantastic and I feel blessed to be part of it. I know some of them and call them friends. I will also discover the magic of others (that’s something I love about collaborative classes).

Creativity & Mental Health

I am very excited that we will be talking about our mental health in this class. If you’re a regular reader of this space, you know that I mainly create in my art journals to help me with my mental health. No joke when I say that it is the biggest thing keeping me sane (and safe).
The class will feature interviews and more than just art journaling or painting.

Win your spot!

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With the importance of social media in our lives, some things that were not that big of a deal when I was a teenager now are for my own daughters.
Things like self-portraits that morphed into selfies. Because I need to say it: these are not the same and interchangeable. Nope.

But what’s the difference?

A self-portrait is a representation of yourself, taken by yourself.
A selfie is the same but is meant to be shared publicly. That’s where the difference lies. All selfies are self-portraits, but not all self-portraits will become a selfie.

Self-portraiture as a confidence builder

I have always been obsessed with photography. When I was a teenager (pre-teen, even), I used to take a lot of pictures, of everything and anything.
Then, with my girlfriends, we had fun taking self-portraits of ourselves. It was always thrilling to take them and having to wait for them to be developed to see how they turned out. I actually miss using an argentic camera but that is another story… I cherish these photos not because I think I was prettier then blablabla, but because they remind me of the moment of shared friendship, of the laughter that happened.

As I grew older and my life changed, I now use self-portraits to stop time. I capture who I am at a very precise moment. 
Sometimes, I just feel like “grab you phone, now, don’t stage anything and snap a picture”. Does it happen to you too?).

Self-portraits do not have to show your face. I often capture part of myself, not the wholeness of it.
For example, I have several photos of my collar bone. Why? Because it is one of my most intense trigger point for my fibromyalgia. When it starts to burn, I know it announces the beginning of a flare-up.
I also take photos of the parts of me that need more love. I do it to help me accept my body for what it is.
This practice is one of my go-to healing rituals.

Self-portraiture is a form of art

Self-portraiture is a form of photography.
Intention is very important when I take a self-portrait. I edit them with care, using filters and stuff that will convey the emotion.
Some will be shared publicly but most will stay private. Just for me. And I edit them just the same, whereas they are self-portraits or selfies. Because I do it for me, not for people to see.

When working on something by using self-portraiture, I go several ways…

1. I use my phone. When I do that, I set up a timer, put it on self-portrait mode so I can see myself, and go to town. Then I will play within different apps to apply filters and use a juxtaposition of symbols and texture.
2. I use an instant camera. I have an obsession (yes, one more!) for instant cameras. I have several of them, most from Fujifilm and one is a vintage Polaroid that belonged to my Grand-Father and had the chance to inherit (and it still works even though the photos come out… strange). Using it is trickier than using my phone but so much fun! I had happy accidents with them but would love to learn how to use them better…

⭐️What about you? Are you a selfie addict? What is your go-to ritual to feel better about yourself or to freeze a moment in time?

For my entire life, I have heard people tell me “you feel too much“. Well, probably. But what can I do about it? I have learned early on my spiritual journey that it can be as much of a blessing than a curse.
My best friend and I often talk about our personal Essences. What makes us us, and how it often is an issue regarding others. And I noticed how, on a regular basis, I catch myself telling her “But this is what makes us Human, too”. It is easy to want to block it all; the pain, the doubts, the fear. And you want to be in on a secret? When I was 18, I did a ritual to shut every feeling off (it is called ataraxia, by the way): it did not resolve anything.

Damn, it fucking hurts to be Human!

I have lived inside my head for most of my life. Well, if I am really honest with myself, I still do.
Learning who I am. Figuring out what would make me better as a person; not necessarily for others but so I am more at peace with my psyche.
Making art helps me to makes sense of things. Of my emotions. Of events. I step in my ArtCave and tell to myself: today, let’s figure this shit out. And I will pick the color, the symbols, the textures that embody this specific thing.

A song to illustrate how I feel about this