Inner Voices

Gratitude Friday 10/07/2011, Thanksgiving edition

Gratitude Friday is a weekly ritual I started in order to focus on all the small and big positive things that happened during my week. I invite you to join me, you'll see how much being thankful can change your life. If you want to know more about it, read my introduction post.

Hello !

Next Monday will be Thanksgiving here in Canada. The girls won't be at school, my husband will be off work too. A long week-end ahead. And I am pretty excited about this one, to be honest. I would love to gather around me friends and close family but unfortunately it is not possible. But we decided to start our first familial Thanksgiving traditions this year. YAAAAY.

And this is perfect with this Gratitude Friday ritual. I hope you will join me and share some things you are grateful for in this period of the year.

I am thankful for:

  • My Mamounette (aka Mom). Always there, always strong. One of the pillars of my life I would crumble without.
  • My half, my Cheridoo. Despite his obvious lack of subtility (that is sometimes hurful when he speaks his truth without any embellishments around), his love is what keeps me strong and helps me to still stand.
  • My daughters, who love me no matter what. Their hugs and moments of pure bliss and craziness.
  • Having been put on the road of my Reiki teacher and her academy when I needed it the most, she teaches a different kind of Reiki (but also the original Usui one) but it is also very powerful (and WAY easier). I am now a Practical Reiki Master (I still have some assignments before receiving my certificate though). I am healing, physically and spiritually, and I feel useful by giving back to the ones who ask me. And I know this is just the beginning. Contact me if you want more info, I would love to share about my experience.
  • My family doctor. The contact was hard at first but I am now happy she is following me. She does not think I am crazy, she listens and helps the more she can.
  • Jamie Ridler's opportunity she gave me to be in her Circe's Circle. It helped a lot with my project, and I met amazing women.
  • Anu, just for the amazing she she is. For our daily discussions, for her humour, for listening to me without judging. Just because I love her. A lot.
  • The Universe and the messages I get when I am in creative state. This source of inspiration I am tapping in. The certitude that despite the strangeness and apparent simplicity of my artwork, this is partially what I am meant to do here.
  • Connie who gently pushed me to open my Etsy shop, and supported me. Helped me unfolding my wings so I could fly free. My customers and their positive feedbacks.
  • The lost friends, the ones who came back without explanation why they left me there, the ordeals put on my path.
  • Teesha Moore's workshop. ANd I thank in advance for FLora Bowley's workshop in Teesha's artfest annex next month.
  • The possibility I have to explore my Darkness in order to appreciate how bright my Light can be.
  • My sewing machine, that I am still learning to use, and the things I create thanks to it (plushes, fabric art journals I love).
  • My Art Journals, that keep me sane.
  • The support from other artists, and from other women also struggling with fibromyalgia. Community is important to me.
  • My husband's work, despite the times I hate it because it keeps him away from me and that sometimes it feels like he is working 24/7, it gives us a lot.
  • My friends, old and new. I send the wish to the Universe to please send me friends in Vancouver. I would love some girls night, without boy or kids. (Melissa, I have to message you).
  • My selfportrait project that I started back in March this year. I document my daily life in picture without words. And I see me differently.
  • People met thanks to the Reiki Awakening Academy, where I got my certification.
  • People who participate in the weekly ritual, even the ones who do it once a month, or less. I love reading their own Gratitude Friday or just knowing they do it privately.
  • This come back to a more spiritual life, the reintegration of rituals (not necessarily in a witchy kinda way).
  • The good food I cook and put in my belly. Yes Anu, even the Nutella.
  • Art supplies. My drug, and the brands I discovered this year (Lindy Stamp Gang, Dylusions, Crafter's Workshop et j'en passe), it just makes me happy to get new art supply. See a kid in a candy store ? or a kid on Christmas morning ? yep, i am a mix of both at the same time !
  • Books I surround myself with and that make me enter new universes.
  • The chance I have to live in a city I actually chose, and where I am not by obligation.

Life sometimes sucks. But it can also be put in a different perspective. Thank you for all I am living every single second. Thank you.

If you wrote your Gratitude Friday on your blog, don't forget to enter your NAME and URL below so I'm notified and can come to read you (you can also join by commenting this post):

  1. Lucy
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Life upside down, art journal page

There are some days that are just not fun. Today is one of them for me. I hate it, but I deal with it.

My Art Journal is this safe place where I can vent and write and create anything I want, just because it is totally mine and I chose to share only what I want.

The stamp says «Every now and then, Life need to be turned upside down to get back to the right way up» which, in my opinion, is more than accurate. We need to experience the crappy stuff to learn how to get the awesome one. But in the right now, it is just not easy and it hurts.

I am currently loving creating simple but meaningful pages. It is far from what I usually do but it allows me not to spend an hour on a pages. I also tend now to create a background, maybe sketch a girl on it, and finish it later on.

I love how the red is dripping on the blue, it means a lot in my mind.

Note: I am trying this new tool called inlinkz to show you the products I used for my art journal page. Tell me what you think, if I should keep it or if it is a no-no ;)






Sharing the evolution of Inner Voices

Hello dear hearts !

I am kind of struggling writing this blogpost, for more than two weeks now. I am beyond excited to share with you what's been shifting in me, and therefore in my artwork, but also a bit nervous of what the reaction could be.
I think I am putting so much pressure on how it will be received that I am losing the joy of sharing. So I will make this shorter than what I thought and then present you my latest girls (I have to come up for a general name for them. I had one but I am fearing it is just unpronounce-able in english).

Each time a girl comes in my painting, she tells me her story. What her life is, what she has been through and her positive message. What she likes and what she can't stand.
I usually only share the message, that appears clearly on the painting... but for a month or so I have been feeling the urge to share her story as well. It may not be a long beautiful essay but just some stuff about «what's behind».

I am still wondering if I should put it beautifully and add it with the painting when someone buys it, with the original only or with the prints as well ? I know people could benefit from more than the positive message that is present on the painting, I just have to find the best way to do it.
Any thought of it ?

Here are a few peaks of theses ladies (I will share them next week):


July's face


Alyss' Ginette


The day I do not recognize myself anymore

It is 6:28pm. My girls are loudly playing while in their bath, my husband is not home from work yet and my brother-in-law came back from his adventures not so long ago. Surprisingly, my daughters napped quite long today, and to be honest this is a good thing as I am a total mess being around.

I do not recognize the Nolwenn I used to be anymore, and it scares me. It makes me hate me.
I knew that fibromyalgia would change my life, would maybe change me. I don't know if all is linked or not. I just know that I just don't like feeling like I do because it does not look like me.

Body image issue is hitting me back in the face, when I did not expecting it at all.

I am moody, sometimes mean, I want to be alone (usually i am just happy to have my relatives around, now it is just too much).

I won't spread the details, I am just not in that good place I used to experience, not finding this Inner Voice telling me that everything will be alright that I should not worry that much, that I should stop hating myself for what I am (or am not). Praying, begging for signs that do not come or that I do not see...

I just needed to create to shake things, hoping it would shift something.

Not finished yet but I wanted to share the words with you. Hoping it will speak to someone as well...


Art as a way of accepting myself

As I was writing yesterday in my Gratitude Friday blogpost, creating is currently more than ever my safety valve, my way of screaming my pain, of doing like nothing was going on, my way of trying to balance the physical pain. Wether it is in my art journal or on canvas. I am not expecting anything  anymore from my artwork, I don't expect it to look good for example. I just let it flow and usually, it is quite surprisingly amazing to me. It seems like I am less attached to it (at least, I try to convince myself with that) so I can go on and create again and again. And again.

I am what I would call a skinned alive person, even if I am so aware that some had/have a way sorst life than mine, it does not dimish it. And I notice it shows in my artwork, despite the bright colors and fluffy bunny style my pieces can seem to be. Maybe I am good at camouflage ?

This portrait is the closer one to be a self-portrait. Kind of. Not a 100% one, obviously. Can you believe this is absolutely not what I thought this artwork will end as ?

When I was a kid, and struggling with who i am and being brown in a white family (where I was born, not adopted), I was dreaming of being blue eyed. Maybe because at least, this will be something people were expecting regarding my first name («Nolwenn» is a name from Britanny, the celtic part of France where people are blonde and pale and blue eyed).

This mixed media portrait is full of texture, the hair are really pretty (in my opinion) as you can touch the three dimensions, the face is not flat at all and the lotus transfer on her shirt pulled some part of the plaster away (makes me think of peeled paint on walls).

I feel naked. But creating this artwork taught me a lot about me: I finally am more in peace with my origins, and what I am (half and half, not really black not totally white); I have to accept that sometimes the outside does not meet the inside but I can work on it; going forward, as simply as that.
Creatively speaking, she taught me that errors happen and can be fixed. Her skin tone was horrible, now she is not realistic but kind of reminds me of the first characters I created a few years ago, with their greyish skin.

I feel like this painting is filled with character, this je ne sais quoi that makes me smile. A happy content smile.

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