Listening to the crazy talk

I am one that usually try to reason everything. Which is quite paradoxical when you know than I am also a supporter of gut following in almost everything I do.

When it comes to creativity, I am more often listening to what is whispered than trying to find my way out of it. However, when it seems too big, too crazy, too weird, I push it back. Like a reflex I don’t control (or it wouldn’t be called a reflex, right ?).

I am an over-thinker. Nothing overly good or wrong about it, this is just my reality and I go with it.

I noticed that last year, and the beginning of this one as well, has been filled with sometimes very high peaks of creativity (you know… when you only think about what you wanna paint next. And this color you use over and over. and this series of painting you are dying to start. and and and…) alternating with sometimes very deep holes. A rollercoaster it is, my friends. And now and then, it gets scary no matter how loud I scream to let it go.

When my Inner Voice tells me that this would be a good idea, I answer a loud «HELL YES ! (thank you)* but right now, I am pushing the Voice away even if I know she is right. How do you do when you know you are just facing a big useless stupid resistance but don’t know what to do against it ? I don’t like fighting my feelings anymore, been there too much for too long.

You know how it is always easier to give advice to someone, and when you face the same kind of situation you find it impossible to practice what you preach ? I hear you.

I was talking to my Studio Buddy (ie my lovely neighbour) yesterday, she asked me what I’ve been doing lately (since it’s been a while and we needed to do some catching up). So I told her: I am inspired, but every time I come to the Studio I look at my in progress paintings and go back upstairs without doing anything. And I showed to her the ones I’ve been working on and told her: «this is not my usual style. There is a freaking boat on this painting. I mean… A BOAT !!!!!!» and while talking, I realized: «I know what’s wrong now ! Until now, I felt like I needed to paint my Nixies because it is my signature style. But I don’t HAVE TO, I can do abstract if I feel like it. Or a booooooooooat if this is what appears, and I need to be okay with the changes in my style and in what I create. And let go of the fear of what people could think of it.»  This was my epiphany moment.

And that was a good crazy talk. I now know that it’s okay not to paint the same thing over and over again and that change can be good even if it is scary at first.
Use that fear.
Push in the right direction.
It’s okay.

So you’ll soon see a boat painting about journeying. And I am called to work with Totem Animals. It is a subject I’ve been fascinated with for more than a decade now but was afraid to tackle in my art. Afraid not to make them justice (if that makes sense), but I don’t believe in coincidence and if that Hare appeared in my Art Journal, it’s for a reason (I don’t usually do animals except Owls). So I am researching in my books, online and inside of myself.

I don’t know if that Mr Owl is done or not, he is teaching me a lot. And Mr Hare may get out of my journal to be on a painting of its own…