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I was told (in no specific order) that I am “too sensitive” “too emotional” “too intense” “too shy” “too loud”… And it was not a compliment but a way to diminish my reactions. Well… as an INFJ and a type 5 (in the enneagram) I guess that yes, I am all these (and so much more). Knowing to balance my feelings feels like an impossible task, even now.
Yesterday, something happened in my close family that left me still in a bit of chock today. Nothing dramatic but still, I had to process it in my journal this morning.
Let the feelings sink in
In hindsight, one of the turning point in my life was 2003. I was heartbroken. My Soul family had abandoned me. I was living on my own for the first time (I was 18 and starting my University studies). I was empty inside, feeling like I had nothing else to give.
For so long, I ragingly fought the bad emotions swimming in my head. But it was like trying to go countercurrent. It lasted for years. Until that moment I decided to stop fighting it. To acknowledge the presence of an emotion I was not fond of, to welcome the lesson(s) it was bringing at that specific moment, and then let it go.
I believe that we all need a few tools to help us process things. So we don’t drown in our own feelings. Whatever works for you. May it be seeing a therapist, painting your heart out, writing the shit out of it, photography. Don’t let it govern your life so much.
Today, I am taking my own advices as it is one of those days. I want to either crawl back into bed until tomorrow or put my entire body under water in my bathtub. But life needs me to tackle it so it won’t happen. I got this ! And do you.