Throughout the years, I lost a lot (I mean A LOT) of close friends because I kept being evasive to the conversational question “How are you doing ?“. I was told in the past that I was an egocentric person and became the perfect opposite. I thought it was the way to be; ask people about their lives (I was genuinely interested, though) and be vague about mine. I was not myself, even with my friends. And in hindsight: that sucks. Big time. To a point where at 18 I lost myself and wondered what my Essence truly was; who was I behind all the walls and the masks ?
I was always different in one way or another
However, I decided against showing it publicly for decades. Tired of hiding, I created a spiritual and magical forum for like-minded people to meet and connect online. I met some people who felt like family to me when I felt so alone in my day-to-day life, I am forever thankful for them.
I see myself as a former social chameleon. It was easier to adapt that to be me. In high school, I started showing outside who I was inside. I got my nose pierced at 14; my first tattoo at 16 (with Mom’s approval), wore eyeliner and black. Some classmates kinda feared me because they thought I would hex them and I enjoyed it a bit (to be honest).
But not anymore. I guess my now husband let me be totally my true self when we met and I am lucky it “cured” me.
Just stop hiding in plain sight
We all have our reasons to dim our own light. We all have our excuses for not being who we truly are towards people. I learned the hard way that it does not serve anyone to try to appear as less than you are.
We need to see your light. Don’t be shy about it (but don’t become a bitch either, eh). We need to see who you are, the actual you.