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I love and hate Sundays in general. I love that is usually low key for us. But I hate that it is the last day of the weekend, and routine comes back the day after.

A few things you might or might not know about me:

• My husband and I got officially engaged to each other 2 months after meeting each other. But unofficially a few weeks after being together. And I never doubted my choice to spend my life with him and to leave everything behind. He was 25, I was 18.
• I met my father only twice, my half-brothers once and my half-sister never. To date.
• I love watching tv shows. And it often makes me feel like I am still 16 because I love the ones made for young adults. Same for books.
• I am a modern witch and used to be the creator and moderator of a quite big esoteric forum in France. My spirituality is part of my daily life, even though I don’t practice as much as I used to.
• My first true passion was cooking. I started training to become a chef but life decided otherwise and I never finished it. My favorite cuisine is the japanese one.
• I am a squirrel: I accumulate stuff because I fear to miss. But I am working on changing my mindset.
• I dreamed of becoming a psychoanalyst and help people that way. I am fascinated by the human psyche.
• I don’t know how to draw.
• I am an introvert that is really ill-at-ease around people in general. Making friends is fucking hard because I always feel like a bother.
• I love receiving snail mail and packages from people.
• I am the obsessive kind.
• I love using self-portraiture and photo editing as a healing tool.

Tell me a few things people might not know about you 🙂 I love learning to know people through what they think we don’t know, if that makes sense.

Welcome to this new Gratitude Friday ! Feel free to share with me your (partial or full) gratitude moments in the comments; that way I can hold joy for you ✿ (you know that makes me happy to make you happy).

This week, I am grateful for:

• Being part of a new Design Team
• Having the choice in my nutrition choices
• Sunshine
• Working out every day and a body that is getting stronger and stronger
• Creativity
• The package received from ColourArte
• Time spent with my kids, together and seperately
• Stress free school mornings
• My husband’s love

What about you ?

Is there any excuse you are finding that keeps you from becoming your best you ? Within you own definitions, not somebody’s 🙂

I would love to hold space for you when you share with me your Gratitude List in the comment.

This week’s soundtrack:

It’s not a secret, when I started making art again (around 2009), I was very careful. I sketched the entire painting, then layered color after color etc. It was not working that well for me though because I was too tightened up in my creativity.

Let it flow through your hands

Perfection is just a dream. Nothing ever is truly perfect. I start a creative session by sitting within myself (for so to speak) and be thankful for whatever is going to come out this day. It may simply start with an intention, but sometimes (often) it is also coupled with words. I don’t plan. I start and just feel the artwork. I don’t like what’s happening ? I cover it up. Until it speaks to my Soul and I adore it.

It is not always an easy ride. But once I am tuned in, I don’t look back to my old ways.
Let. It. Go !!!
Something I created and love might looks very flawed to you. And that’s totally okay: art is subjective.

Art is made to make you FEEL something. Whatever that is. Even when it is a negative emotion like disgust, it is still something.

You can not control how others will react to your art, if you share it into the world. And sharing is a big step, that is not always easy.

Be a channel

Your beliefs are your own. I don’t believe in God in the Christian/Catholic way, I however do believe in a Higher Power. You can also say that this Higher Power is simply your intuition, your guiding voice that needs to be expressed.

I do believe I am just a channel to what need to be birthed to the world. And it helped me not to stay too attached to my paintings.

Each of them, even the abstract ones, have a story for you. And I guess this is what connects them to us.

I am Brown. Half-and-Half as I like to say: Mom is White, my Father is… well, his own ethnic mixtures. Even though I am on the lighter side of the spectrum, I inherited his afro hair though. You know, the Michael Jackson when he was a little kiddo kind of hair. Fluffy and big and more than curly. Afro hair. Yuck.

People seem to have a hard time putting me in geographical ethnicity (it can be funny where they think I am from. Well, just so you know I am 100% French). My hair is afro, but like for “regular” hair, different types of afro hair exist. Mine is curly, fine and not that “dense”. For a very long time (about 28 years, actually), I had absolutely no clue on how to care for my hair. I was just not surrounded by any people with the same hair type I did, youtube and the internet were not available for me as a kid, and until I turned 13/14. My hair was a hot mess, I tried everything.

Until I was about 10, my Mom refused vehemently to let me straighten my hair. We were living in Brittany, that western Celtic part of France. Let me be honest: the population of people of colour was reaaaaaally low; no hairdresser was comfortable in even cutting my hair. Trust me, it sucked big time. The only moments my Mom and I were battling each other were when she needed to brush my hair (just so you know, you are not supposed to brush afro hair, but to comb them).

Seeing all the Black stars and singers wearing such beautiful hairstyles, wondering how come they could be so pretty when I was just lame. I learned that 1) Most of the time, they are wearing a weave (so it is NOT their own hair) 2) They have hairdressers doing the work for them. It is like they are lying b*****s…

When we moved to Canada, I wanted a drastic change and cut all my hair very short. It was a liberating act. Since I never straightened them chemically again and go for the natural look. Failed attempts at colours leave me with orange-ish hair here and there but that’s okay.

Do not let your appearance define who you are.

It’s okay to change what you do not like about yourself. Whatever it is: your hair, your belly, your breasts… if it makes you happier to change this, just go for it. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise because you deserve to love the body you came in.

I often wish my hair were different. Not necessarily straight but… lighter, That they would be easier to dye so I could express my personality this way.

I am not my hair. And my hair is not me. Learning to care for and appreciate them so late in life is hard but nothing is lost. I will soon make an appointment to be seen by a curl specialist, to be helped further.

What is your favourite afro hairdo?

A couple songs I am grateful for:

Today is the beginning of the 100 Day Project, initiated by Elle Luna and Lindsay Jean Thompson.

I have participated in the past but this year, I decided to tackle something else than a creative practice in my Studio. Self-portraiture has helped me heal some wounds in the past years and I will focus on that.

Showing pieces of me every day. Defining who I am through the lens of my phone camera. I may be editing or not in order to pass my message.

I will be unapologetically me.

What do I mean by that ? I am not perfect. I am not a photographer. I am not a model. I am just me. A woman in her early 30s trying hard to conciliate her body image and how she feels inside.

I want it to reflect how I see myself on that day. Good and bad.

Here is day #1: