As I was writing yesterday in my Gratitude Friday blogpost, creating is currently more than ever my safety valve, my way of screaming my pain, of doing like nothing was going on, my way of trying to balance the physical pain. Wether it is in my art journal or on canvas. I am not expecting anything anymore from my artwork, I don’t expect it to look good for example. I just let it flow and usually, it is quite surprisingly amazing to me. It seems like I am less attached to it (at least, I try to convince myself with that) so I can go on and create again and again. And again.
I am what I would call a skinned alive person, even if I am so aware that some had/have a way sorst life than mine, it does not dimish it. And I notice it shows in my artwork, despite the bright colors and fluffy bunny style my pieces can seem to be. Maybe I am good at camouflage ?
This portrait is the closer one to be a self-portrait. Kind of. Not a 100% one, obviously. Can you believe this is absolutely not what I thought this artwork will end as ?
When I was a kid, and struggling with who i am and being brown in a white family (where I was born, not adopted), I was dreaming of being blue eyed. Maybe because at least, this will be something people were expecting regarding my first name («Nolwenn» is a name from Britanny, the celtic part of France where people are blonde and pale and blue eyed).
This mixed media portrait is full of texture, the hair are really pretty (in my opinion) as you can touch the three dimensions, the face is not flat at all and the lotus transfer on her shirt pulled some part of the plaster away (makes me think of peeled paint on walls).
I feel naked. But creating this artwork taught me a lot about me: I finally am more in peace with my origins, and what I am (half and half, not really black not totally white); I have to accept that sometimes the outside does not meet the inside but I can work on it; going forward, as simply as that.
Creatively speaking, she taught me that errors happen and can be fixed. Her skin tone was horrible, now she is not realistic but kind of reminds me of the first characters I created a few years ago, with their greyish skin.
I feel like this painting is filled with character, this je ne sais quoi that makes me smile. A happy content smile.
ah nolwenn, this is really moving. you are in your element. thank you for sharing yourself, naked and all. :o)
oh the stories we hold.
keep painting. in love withthis girl.
I think you’re name is awesome! Uncommon, as is mine (though everyone knows what a lotus is). I really like your portrait! Love the texture and the innocence, yet pensiveness, I perceive in the child.