This is a question that comes a lot to me lately. It has always popped now and then but it’s been in the back of my mind for a while now so I guess it’s time for me to acknowledge it and dig (I usually proceed this way ;)).
Am I what I paint ?
Am I what I create?
Am I what I think?
Am I what I feel ?
I don’t think I hold the answer yet because sometimes it bends toward a “of course I am what I create” and others I absolutely want the answer to be a “no”.
There is a part of me in every single thing that comes from me, and this is obvious. I used to be a very pessimistic teen/young adult; always seeing what could go wrong first and focusing on that instead of trying to shift it. It is who I was and I don’t deny it. It occasionally still shows through my art in my journals.
My universe is filled with strange creatures and characters having a life of their own. Tim Burton captures very well what it looks like in my mind most of the time. But my Universe is also filled with colors and shapes and symbols that are way brighter.
Paradoxical ? Of course. I guess it’s not a coincidence I was born under the astral sign of the Virgo, which is a very double-sided sign.
Sometimes, I am doing something and suddenly I feel like I have just been punched in the stomach and can’t breathe anymore, and all the negativity I felt in my past comes back in, in a rush. And it hurts like Hell. All the fears and worries I constantly push away decide to hit me in the face. Journaling and painting helps me to make it go away.
I used to fight this darker side of me until I realized it was totally vain and that the best solution was to accept it (yes, it all goes back to acceptance again). Creativity is the only way I found to be helpful, even on the long term.
This blogpost makes no sense and I apologize for this. I guess I just have to work this through and thought sharing it with you might help. Please, feel free to tell me what you think.
Are you totally dettached from what you create ? Do you think you are what you paint and you paint what you are ?
i love these questions nolwenn!
i think that i am definitely expressing myself when i paint. but is it ME? hmmm… i would say i am expressing my emotions, my feelings… even my experiences, but are those me? they are parts of who i am. yes. but they do not define me.
what i paint. i have no idea what images are going to appear. it amazes me. so i would start out saying, well, no this is not me. but then actually. i would say what i paint is actually the me, the universal me, my soul, that usually remains hidden. through painting, it has a means of showing up. for all to see.
so there you have it. did any of that make sense?! lol!
just love this. it really got me thinking and pondering. thank you!
Am I what I paint? It is part of me, not the whole of me. I am in the process. I process who I am and whatever I am feeling emotionally thru my painting. I am not defined by a single line yet I am in that line. Creativity is in me. I am more than my creativity.
You are reaching deep inside you. Very good blogging and I love your posts and paintings.
I thought from the first time I saw your work that you had a connection to parts of yourself that most try to keep hidden. Strangely I guess, I kinda think we are all connected and often artistic expression is an expression of the energy of ourselves, OR the energy of our community, family, society as a whole, a hidden voice elsewhere that can’t be heard and we hear it…and try to give it a voice. Does that make sense?