Since the beginning of April, I have been completely paralyzed by Fear. Hesitation filled my heart, and I did not think I would share it with you but thought then that maybe… I was not the only one struggling.
I took a break from Facebook without saying why. And here is the reason: each time I went on there, my brain was going crazy with shitty comments. Like “see, SHE is living the life you want. You’re not good enough” “nobody is signing up for the class you’re participating in, they do not care about what you have to share” “you continue on Youtube but see, this artist has hundreds of views in the first 24 hours and you only have a dozen when lucky“. And this is just a sample of what was/is going through my mind when I am browsing social media. And that sucks.
First coping mechanism: withdrawing
That’s what I do without realizing it at first. I will be vague in my “how are you” answer. There is a quieter space I create.
I noticed it only when it is pointed at my face by somebody close to me. However, I also feel that I could disappear any time, nobody would see it.
I often wish for oblivion. They say that ignorance is bliss and when doing Shadow Work, this is a saying that makes its way in my mind. Shadow Work is usually a shit show for me (is it for you, too?). Seeing myself through the blinds, beyond the masks I wear, it’s not always a beautiful thing.
So… I hide.
My go-to tools to make me a warrior
I go intuitively in my crystal collection and use pieces that I feel called to. Today, I use an Astrophyllite palm stone that I can hold and rub at the same time. This stone is the light in the dark, this really is (for me) the perfect one to use when depression strikes.
Lepidolite is also a gentle one that is good to keep the bad dreams at bay.
What are your go-to crystals for this kind of situation?
II. Take a walk/Workout
There is something about going outside, walking and taking a big breather.
Working from home and being the Human to a pretty needy dog, I have to get outside anyway. But being mindful while walking. Taking deep breaths with each step forward.
This is a practice I started before moving to Québec, I love my previous neighbourhood and it helped.
Whatever keeps my hands busy usually will keep my mind in check as well. I have two paintings currently dedicated to “feeling all the feels”. One is called “Anger management”. The other has no title yet but I paint on it when a big fight with our 12 yo happens (too often to my likings).
I go safely into my art journal pages and let it all down within. Using tools like writing, scribbling, and cover in it all up. I create something that feels beautiful from the storm that Fear brings.
IV. A bath with a book
This is my number one coping mechanism when I am in physical pain from the fibromyalgia.
In the Summer, I ask my daughter to spend some time with me in the swimming pool instead. Then, immersed in water, I let go of negative feelings. I leave them in the water.
Reading, obviously, is a mean of escape. When Fear and Anxiety are too much, I read and go through fictional characters’ lives instead of my own…
Nolwenn I am glad you shared this because yes I am feeling a lot of this too. I’m not sure I can call it fear but the pulling back yes. I don’t know if everyone feels this but when I post a link to a blog I just wrote on Facebook and no one comments or maybe only 1 I almost feel like just not posting. Same thing with posting anything that I do readings. It is almost completely ignored. But if I post something funny or unusual I get a lot of likes. WTF???
Water has always been helpful for me to release anxiety and worry but I don’t have a pool nearby and it is too hard to get in and out of my bathtub so I take longer showers.
My go to help is Emotional Freedom Tapping. That helps me. I also relax by playing online games or reading online magazines or books.
I hope you feel better soon and thank you for your vulnerability. <3
I use to take very long shower, just to be submerged. It works too.
I did EFT in the past, I don’t know why I stopped, though.
Thanks for sharing your own experience.
I know all too well what it is to be paralyzed by fear. It’s almost a daily thing. It’s the thing that keeps me from writing. It’s the thing that keeps me from making art. It’s the thing that keeps me from going out with my camera. It’s the thing that keeps me from speaking my truths.
And so I hide. I retreat. I withdraw. I even sometimes shut down. I feel like no one will understand so why even try to talk about it with someone. Those rare times I have tried….I got told it’s all in my head. Well maybe, that is true. But that isn’t what I what to hear. Or what I need to hear.
Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for sharing. You are not alone. I am right there with you. ❤❤❤
Something jumped out of what you say, Lisa: “I feel like no one will understand so why even try to talk about it with someone.” because I often feel the same. However, with time, I noticed that the person you’re speaking to about it does not have to understand what you’re going through to be a good listener. Living with an invisible chronic disease, I have my fair share of “it’s all in her head” “she could make more efforts to……” etc.
Sending you a big hug. I am here, okay?