I am currently writing from a small Air BnB apartment1 we are renting in Langley, BC until we have the keys to our new home (tomorrow, April 3rd!). This is a one-bedroom, we are four people plus a dog. Let me tell you: this is an everyday challenge to stay sane. And to study/attend my college Zoom classes while my husband is having meeting after meeting in the same room. We are both still working in Montreal’s timezone. It means we get up almost every morning around 5 am. Days seem to last longer than they actually do.
I am however very grateful to be back in British Columbia. For years now, I have been pondering the notion of “home”. I’ve always had this deep gut sense of being inadequate everywhere I have lived. But this is a story for another day.
Exhaustion is real…
Last year, I decided to finally take the plunge and I found a great therapist. I uncovered a lot about myself during these 9 months. I don’t regret it, even though facing some stuff I probably would have been okay with keeping buried. Our main goal was to work on my anxiety, finding its root to find the best coping mechanism-s possible for me. She then advised me to take one day at a time, one breath at a time and to “just survive today, tomorrow is not there yet“. So this is where I am right now, surviving one day at a time; accepting that nothing can/has to be perfect (at least not on the first try anyway).
My body and my soul are exhausted but I keep moving.
I have a series of questions due tomorrow regarding the movie Kinsey, by Bill Condon. This is for my philosophy class in which we focus on the concept of the Human Being. This movie is our link to the Freud concept of the human being. Days of reading about Kinsey and his sexual researches get me thinking too much… Good thing I find this fascinating. This second half of the winter semester is filled with huge group projects, exams and studies. If you can keep me in your thoughts tomorrow (Thursday, April 8th), I have another big exam in art history, regarding the Renaissance period, at 5 am my time. It’s way too early for my system to function properly on writing an essay about Renaissance art…
I know my body is yelling because I am pushing but I do feel like I do not have the luxury to slow anything down at the moment. My teenage daughters are adjusting to this comeback. My husband and I are still moving our stuff from the storage unit we are renting. The goal is: this home will be 300% a representation of who we are, for once; both individually and as a family.
- I started this about ten days ago. I am now in our home 🙂