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Welcome to this new Gratitude Friday! Feel free to share with me your (partial or full) gratitude moments in the comments; that way I can hold joy for you ✿ (you know that makes me happy to make you happy).

This week has been noisy. We had repairs done for two separate issues over three days. Our dog, Dobby, who is a mix of a Chihuahua and we think Jack Russel is a people person but a scared dog at the same time. He was ever barking or whining the first two days. And it was driving me insane because nothing was calming his nerves (I guess we all know that feeling, don’t we?). But now it’s done, our bank account is dryer but I can take back again…

This week, I am thankful for:

• The come back of hot baths!
• LGBTQIA+ characters in books
• The meal my Husband bought for me at the vegan restaurant in his new job’s building
• Sunshine
• Yummy vegan or vegetarian food
• Seeing the seeds we planted grow day after day
• Creating in my Art Journal again
• Sharing another video this week
• Ideas swimming in my mind
• Taking a step towards people: I am fucking volunteering at the Nouvelle Ère Tattoo convention
• Podcasts

This week’s soundtrack:

If you follow me on Instagram (and if you don’t: what are you waiting for??), you know that I started the 100 Day Project this year (and I talked about it here). I am behind and could even say that I will not complete it BUT I am not giving up.
Like my 100 Nixies project, I will not set a deadline but will do my best to work every day on something. Even if it is just making a mark or starting a background.

Here is the video:

Do you like painting abstract? I still find it intimidating so if I could, I’d sign up for all the classes 😉
You’ll see that I had fun using different media for this piece, acrylic paint and markers, oil pastels, modeling paste, stamps… Everything I love most or almost. Because this is what these 100 paintings are about: finding my creative joy again.
And thanks to it, because for weeks on end I only painting abstract, Nixies actually came back full force, nudging me to let them speak.

A few more pictures:

List of supplies:

• Mixed Media Paper
• Dina Wakley paint
• Artguard cream
• Catalyst blade
• Stencil
• Ink pads
• Alcohol Ink
• Acrylic Marker
• NeoPastels

Welcome to this new Gratitude Friday! Feel free to share with me your (partial or full) gratitude moments in the comments; that way I can hold joy for you ✿ (you know that makes me happy to make you happy).

I have to admit that even though it is not chronic, I often have a bit of an issue with change. This is not change itself that creates anxiety, but the unknown.
See, my Husband just started a new job. After a bit over 9 years working for Electronic Arts, first in Vancouver then here in Montréal, he decided to take a different route. And I applaud him for it, because it is not easy to go from what you comfortably know to something else.

This week, I am thankful for:

• Our plumbery issues are now fixed
• This week’s adjustment did not go as bad as I thought it would
• I ate lunch every day (which I tend to skip when alone)
• Walking with my daughter to her school in the morning
• Waking up earlier, it feels good
• My Mom’s clean health report for her breast cancer (now going on the last year before she’s officially in remission)
• My fanart painting of Billie Eilish being finally released
• Heat
• Daily journaling
• Making progress on the lotus painting that will go in our “Chill Out” room, completing a wall of Lotus paintings we started

This week’s soundtrack:

I won’t lie: this painting was both a blast to create and a bit of a challenge.
I told you about my love for Billie Eilish and her music countless times already but kinda kept it a secret that I actually Nixie-fied her 😉

Fighting the nervousness

I have to tell you that it was not meant to be realistic. You should know by now that this is not my thing. I appreciate artists who create realistic portraits though. I did use one or two reference photos, but not to copy them. It was more to get a more specific vibe from Billie Eilish…
I was (am) scared to share this full painting to the world, afraid of what people will think and say about it. But on the other hand, I also have this voice telling me “fuck it! do it anyway” so here we go 🙂
My daughters were REALLY excited about me doing a version of Billie Eilish as a Nixie, and I consulted them now and then to figure out which direction to take.

A few more pictures:

More fanart?

When I did my “365 Nixies in 365 days”, one of them was actually inspired by Willow Smith. And now I wonder: should I let these women inspire my art even more?
What do you think?

Since the beginning of April, I have been completely paralyzed by Fear. Hesitation filled my heart, and I did not think I would share it with you but thought then that maybe… I was not the only one struggling.
I took a break from Facebook without saying why. And here is the reason: each time I went on there, my brain was going crazy with shitty comments. Like “see, SHE is living the life you want. You’re not good enough” “nobody is signing up for the class you’re participating in, they do not care about what you have to share” “you continue on Youtube but see, this artist has hundreds of views in the first 24 hours and you only have a dozen when lucky“. And this is just a sample of what was/is going through my mind when I am browsing social media. And that sucks.

First coping mechanism: withdrawing

That’s what I do without realizing it at first. I will be vague in my “how are you” answer. There is a quieter space I create.
I noticed it only when it is pointed at my face by somebody close to me. However, I also feel that I could disappear any time, nobody would see it.
I often wish for oblivion. They say that ignorance is bliss and when doing Shadow Work, this is a saying that makes its way in my mind. Shadow Work is usually a shit show for me (is it for you, too?). Seeing myself through the blinds, beyond the masks I wear, it’s not always a beautiful thing.
So… I hide.

My go-to tools to make me a warrior

I. Crystals
I go intuitively in my crystal collection and use pieces that I feel called to. Today, I use an Astrophyllite palm stone that I can hold and rub at the same time. This stone is the light in the dark, this really is (for me) the perfect one to use when depression strikes.
Lepidolite is also a gentle one that is good to keep the bad dreams at bay.
What are your go-to crystals for this kind of situation?

II. Take a walk/Workout
There is something about going outside, walking and taking a big breather.
Working from home and being the Human to a pretty needy dog, I have to get outside anyway. But being mindful while walking. Taking deep breaths with each step forward.
This is a practice I started before moving to Québec, I love my previous neighbourhood and it helped.

III. Creativity
Whatever keeps my hands busy usually will keep my mind in check as well. I have two paintings currently dedicated to “feeling all the feels”. One is called “Anger management”. The other has no title yet but I paint on it when a big fight with our 12 yo happens (too often to my likings).
I go safely into my art journal pages and let it all down within. Using tools like writing, scribbling, and cover in it all up. I create something that feels beautiful from the storm that Fear brings.

IV. A bath with a book
This is my number one coping mechanism when I am in physical pain from the fibromyalgia.
In the Summer, I ask my daughter to spend some time with me in the swimming pool instead. Then, immersed in water, I let go of negative feelings. I leave them in the water.
Reading, obviously, is a mean of escape. When Fear and Anxiety are too much, I read and go through fictional characters’ lives instead of my own…