I’ve been trying all my life
To separate the time
In between the having it all
And giving it up.
This is a quote from an interlude song on Halsey’s latest album, MANIC (which I absolutely adore, by the way). This spoke to my core immediately. Even though I don’t know fame or anything like she does, something about this rings deeply true in me. (If you wonder, the other language spoken in this song is Korean).
I am turning 36 this year. I graduated high school in France in 2003 with a baccalauréat in literature and a focus on English for five years (out of 7 years between middle school and high school). Back then, I knew exactly what I wanted to do as a career. I wanted to study psychology and become a psycho-analyst (or do research). But life decided otherwise and I kept psychology as a hobby, reading as much as I can, still today. I took many many turns, started a lot of different studies (I will spare you the full list…) and today I need to focus on what I really want my life to look like.
~ How do I want to feel every morning when I wake up and think about the day ahead?
* Do I want to work for myself or to be employed?
~ Is it still possible to create a job that fits my desires/needs, and start from the ground up at 35?
Sharing is caring
For the past decade, I was certain I had to share my creativity and how it was so close to my inner worlds and spirituality. I don’t know how but the stupid comparison game put me in a (very) deep rabbit hole. I was also discouraged when I realized I was not selling my art as I wanted, I was not recognized much etc. Fucking ego! However, I know that my art touched people and this is all that matters to me right now: knowing that it brightened someone’s day at some point. I never wanted to be famous or anything like this but I have always dreamt of having like-minded people supporting me.
I think I missed my chance but I am becoming more and more okay with it as time passes. A lot of opportunities happened and shaped me.
What about food?
In my life, there is one thing that is constant: food and cooking. It created a bond with the closest members of my family. I started school for that but my first pregnancy cut this dream short and I had to give it up. As I said, I won’t list you the entire set of studies I have started in the course of my life but today, I still don’t know anything FOR SURE. How can you (know for sure)? This is a real question from me to you… how did you figure out your own calling? I guess this is like religion: you do not “believe” in a god (or whatever), you just “know” in your heart that this is true for you…
Today, I am taking back my foodie blog and dusting it off. I have hundreds of posts that I need to proofread and re-post. Taking better pictures and making short videos to go along.
Before immigrating to Canada, I was the creator/recipe developer/photographer/writer of a blog that became pretty big in the francophone community back then. I had partnerships with brands etc. I gave up when my daughters were little because it was too much for me. All the archives are on my computer though… I need to decide which language to focus on English and be in a see of humongous fishes, or French where I would reach maybe fewer people but have a more defined niche of people following? What do you think?
I can use what I have learned in college in order to make better videos. I want them to be short and sweet: like me 😀 I will also explore the Fraser Valley and Vancouverite food scene. Mae, my soon-to-be 16yo daughter, would like to be involved somehow so she will probably make some appearances.
So yea… this is what I will be doing now. Wish me luck 😉
“But you went back to college to learn about cinema and communication..?!”
Well, yes, I did. And even though I am not capable to do my second year and therefore graduate from this program, I have learned A LOT in the year/two semesters I was able to attend.
I still want to be involved in the entertainment industry and I am not closing that door at all. I will be filming/producing/editing videos. Signing up in an agency to get some job as an extra in whatever is filming around here sounds like a very good idea at the moment. It would give me the experience of sets etc. I am no actress but it usually does not require much so I guess I can do it. I have nothing to at least give this a try (this is one of my new mantras in life).
The material I learned in my journalism and in my advertising classes will be very useful. I know better what is involved in an ad campaign, how to grab people’s attention. There is still a lot to learn but this is part of my lifetime mission anyway.
This was definitely the right decision for me. Of course, this part of me that is broken because I have not acquired any post-secondary diploma is still there.
I am not giving up this space or the creative community. My people are here too and I truly hope you’ll accept to follow my new endeavours as well. Your support means the world to me.