I’ve been trying all my life
To separate the time
In between the having it all
And giving it up.
This is a quote from an interlude song on Halsey’s latest album, MANIC (which I absolutely adore, by the way). This spoke to my core immediately. Even though I don’t know fame or anything like she does, something about this rings deeply true in me. (If you wonder, the other language spoken in this song is Korean).
I am turning 36 this year. I graduated high school in France in 2003 with a baccalauréat in literature and a focus on English for five years (out of 7 years between middle school and high school). Back then, I knew exactly what I wanted to do as a career. I wanted to study psychology and become a psycho-analyst (or do research). But life decided otherwise and I kept psychology as a hobby, reading as much as I can, still today. I took many many turns, started a lot of different studies (I will spare you the full list…) and today I need to focus on what I really want my life to look like.
~ How do I want to feel every morning when I wake up and think about the day ahead?
* Do I want to work for myself or to be employed?
~ Is it still possible to create a job that fits my desires/needs, and start from the ground up at 35?
Sharing is caring
For the past decade, I was certain I had to share my creativity and how it was so close to my inner worlds and spirituality. I don’t know how but the stupid comparison game put me in a (very) deep rabbit hole. I was also discouraged when I realized I was not selling my art as I wanted, I was not recognized much etc. Fucking ego! However, I know that my art touched people and this is all that matters to me right now: knowing that it brightened someone’s day at some point. I never wanted to be famous or anything like this but I have always dreamt of having like-minded people supporting me.
I think I missed my chance but I am becoming more and more okay with it as time passes. A lot of opportunities happened and shaped me.
What about food?
In my life, there is one thing that is constant: food and cooking. It created a bond with the closest members of my family. I started school for that but my first pregnancy cut this dream short and I had to give it up. As I said, I won’t list you the entire set of studies I have started in the course of my life but today, I still don’t know anything FOR SURE. How can you (know for sure)? This is a real question from me to you… how did you figure out your own calling? I guess this is like religion: you do not “believe” in a god (or whatever), you just “know” in your heart that this is true for you…
Today, I am taking back my foodie blog and dusting it off. I have hundreds of posts that I need to proofread and re-post. Taking better pictures and making short videos to go along.
Before immigrating to Canada, I was the creator/recipe developer/photographer/writer of a blog that became pretty big in the francophone community back then. I had partnerships with brands etc. I gave up when my daughters were little because it was too much for me. All the archives are on my computer though… I need to decide which language to focus on English and be in a see of humongous fishes, or French where I would reach maybe fewer people but have a more defined niche of people following? What do you think?
I can use what I have learned in college in order to make better videos. I want them to be short and sweet: like me 😀 I will also explore the Fraser Valley and Vancouverite food scene. Mae, my soon-to-be 16yo daughter, would like to be involved somehow so she will probably make some appearances.
So yea… this is what I will be doing now. Wish me luck 😉
“But you went back to college to learn about cinema and communication..?!”
Well, yes, I did. And even though I am not capable to do my second year and therefore graduate from this program, I have learned A LOT in the year/two semesters I was able to attend.
I still want to be involved in the entertainment industry and I am not closing that door at all. I will be filming/producing/editing videos. Signing up in an agency to get some job as an extra in whatever is filming around here sounds like a very good idea at the moment. It would give me the experience of sets etc. I am no actress but it usually does not require much so I guess I can do it. I have nothing to at least give this a try (this is one of my new mantras in life).
The material I learned in my journalism and in my advertising classes will be very useful. I know better what is involved in an ad campaign, how to grab people’s attention. There is still a lot to learn but this is part of my lifetime mission anyway.
This was definitely the right decision for me. Of course, this part of me that is broken because I have not acquired any post-secondary diploma is still there.
I am not giving up this space or the creative community. My people are here too and I truly hope you’ll accept to follow my new endeavours as well. Your support means the world to me.
I hear you. I’m right there with you trying to figure out my purpose.
I’m not sure if I ever will figure it out or just try things along the way.
I’m not sure about the foodie site. Is it possible to do both languages? Or maybe the site host has an option to have a translate button. I’m not sure how that part works. I have been to websites that have different language options the reader can pick from by clicking a button.
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