It’s been a few years already since I decided I wanted to Heal my Wounds. Those of the Heart & those of the Soul. Those I made to myself and those people inflicted on me.
These last ones are maybe the tougher because they ask for an action of somebody other of myself. At least, it is the case for me, because I need to understand what happened in order to accept and then go on.
The major issue is that 9 times out of 10, those people are not even in our circle anymore… So the work takes much more time than it could, and because I am aware that we should not base anything on suppositions and “IFs” it sometimes seems impossible.
And then… PSCHHH these persons come back one day, and you don’t know neither why nor how. You can then decide: welcome them, or reject them.
It’s while I was talking to one of these persons that I finally knew something I carried for too long in me: why am I seen as a fragile breakable girl that needs to be protected. And realized other persons felt that way about me as well.
Creating is what helps me release the pain. It does not completely heal the trauma (I guess I should see a therapist for that) but it helps a great deal. Art is a safe space to explore the tensions so I can set them free.
And creativity can be anything, really, for me it can take the form of free writing (dumping every.single.thing that’s on my mind in a journal. I still do it pen on paper, even though my brain usually goes way too fast for my hand to follow). It can pour it out onto a canvas, building up secret messages under layers and layers of paint. Or playing with colors in my art journals, hiding symbols and thoughts.
This is how I have faith in my future. Because I survived my demons and because I am conquering my fears.