Death is part of Life. We can’t deny that. If there is one thing we can all agree on is that will we all die eventually.
After 23 years, I came to the conclusion that grief is not really a process but a constant pressure. I started to write this blogpost on my Aunt Michèle’s birthday, on May 31st. Or the day we should be celebrating her birthday, anyway. She died in 1995, I was 9 years old and remember exactly “the phone call“.
I almost stopped writing this blogpost but on this day, two public personalities (Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain) were recently found dead, both by suicide. And it is all over the internet because of their status, but suicide happens every day all over the world. No amount of apparent happiness, of money, can take away the heaviness of depression. We don’t know anything but our own struggles. We sure feel like we can relate sometimes but it’s very personal. We navigate it as well as we can.
My best friend and I became friends thanks to Death. Sounds weird, but that’s true. I won’t enter all the details but when I come to think about it, I am glad we did. Even though I self-diagnosed myself and it took me years to put the “depression” label on my issues, I know I could have it worst. I will eventually seek a professional’s help but it is still a struggle to think about talking so we will see. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life talking once a week to a psy, that’s just a no for me (but it is not a judgement on anyone who does).
Can I learn from any lemons thrown at me ?
A few months ago, I would have answered with a “hell yes I can !“. But today, I am not so sure anymore. I keep wondering: is everything really a life lesson ? Is everything thrown at me so I can get stronger and move on ?
My aunt’s death shaped who I am today. I totally denied God and my belief of its existence (yes, at 9yo). I was more than mad at Him for letting her go; knowing how devoted to Church she was. It therefore opened me up to other religions
Now I wonder… do some events happen just because they are meant to happen ? Maybe sometimes, there is nothing positive to take out from them. Maybe, sometimes you just have to live through them and move on as best as you can. I would love to know your thoughts about that, if you don’t mind sharing them with me.
What Death is teaching me right now
- Do your best every single day you get to live on this planet.
- Be the nicest you can be with everyone you meet. You don’t know their personal battles. Don’t make assumptions about their lives.
- We are temporary but we do have an impact.
- Death is an end but also a beginning.
- It is harder for the ones left behind than for the person leaving.
- Suicide can be seen as selfish, but it is not necessarily.
- We all deal with grief the best we can.
- Fuck, we all deal the best we can, period.