Since the beginning of April, I have been completely paralyzed by Fear. Hesitation filled my heart, and I did not think I would share it with you but thought then that maybe… I was not the only one struggling.
I took a break from Facebook without saying why. And here is the reason: each time I went on there, my brain was going crazy with shitty comments. Like “see, SHE is living the life you want. You’re not good enough” “nobody is signing up for the class you’re participating in, they do not care about what you have to share” “you continue on Youtube but see, this artist has hundreds of views in the first 24 hours and you only have a dozen when lucky“. And this is just a sample of what was/is going through my mind when I am browsing social media. And that sucks.
First coping mechanism: withdrawing
That’s what I do without realizing it at first. I will be vague in my “how are you” answer. There is a quieter space I create.
I noticed it only when it is pointed at my face by somebody close to me. However, I also feel that I could disappear any time, nobody would see it.
I often wish for oblivion. They say that ignorance is bliss and when doing Shadow Work, this is a saying that makes its way in my mind. Shadow Work is usually a shit show for me (is it for you, too?). Seeing myself through the blinds, beyond the masks I wear, it’s not always a beautiful thing.
So… I hide.
My go-to tools to make me a warrior
I. Crystals
I go intuitively in my crystal collection and use pieces that I feel called to. Today, I use an Astrophyllite palm stone that I can hold and rub at the same time. This stone is the light in the dark, this really is (for me) the perfect one to use when depression strikes.
Lepidolite is also a gentle one that is good to keep the bad dreams at bay.
What are your go-to crystals for this kind of situation?
II. Take a walk/Workout
There is something about going outside, walking and taking a big breather.
Working from home and being the Human to a pretty needy dog, I have to get outside anyway. But being mindful while walking. Taking deep breaths with each step forward.
This is a practice I started before moving to Québec, I love my previous neighbourhood and it helped.
III. Creativity
Whatever keeps my hands busy usually will keep my mind in check as well. I have two paintings currently dedicated to “feeling all the feels”. One is called “Anger management”. The other has no title yet but I paint on it when a big fight with our 12 yo happens (too often to my likings).
I go safely into my art journal pages and let it all down within. Using tools like writing, scribbling, and cover in it all up. I create something that feels beautiful from the storm that Fear brings.
IV. A bath with a book
This is my number one coping mechanism when I am in physical pain from the fibromyalgia.
In the Summer, I ask my daughter to spend some time with me in the swimming pool instead. Then, immersed in water, I let go of negative feelings. I leave them in the water.
Reading, obviously, is a mean of escape. When Fear and Anxiety are too much, I read and go through fictional characters’ lives instead of my own…
